Expert: Rebos - 10/15/2001

Question
Can I ask a question about beer? If this is the wrong site, I apologize for asking you.

When I was a child, (I am now age 49), my brother-in-law (my sister's husband) was a construction contractor, he had a 10-acre mini-ranch (horses) upon which he had big 2-day weekend parties where he had an incredible number of friends. I did not notice it, but my parents did; the free beer flowed during the parties.

When my brother-in-law got older, about age 43, he got sick, went to the Doctor, and was told; no more beer drinking! The parties continued, but he drank water, and within 3 months, all of his friends disappeared never to be seen again. Finally, he sold his mini ranch, and moved to a condo many miles north of his home.

Now I have a neighbor, about age 25, who I never see without a bottle of beer in his hand. Again, he has friends over his house all the time; helping him repair his house, his truck, mow his lawn, swim in his pool, even bring him food when he is out of work (frequently!). Another person who keeps the free beer flowing!

Because I do not drink, I just don't get it! Why will grown men work for free, do any thing you ask them to do, just for free beer?

I pay people to mow my lawn, repair my vehicle. But he get's a waiting list of people willing to come over and help him with anything, as long as the beer is free!

I know his future; one day he will get sick and the beer will stop, his friends will disappear!

I just do not know how free beer can have such an influence on so many people!

Thanks for your time.


s  

Answer
Good afternoon David:

Thank you for your question. I will do my best to give you a satisfactory answer.

In order to respond to you question I will make a general assumption…if your neighbor and his friends are not alcoholic then they are at least addicted to some level where drinking has become an important a part of their lives. Under such circumstances those who are either alcoholic or habitual drinkers will drink any “GIVEN” (free) amount. As proven by your brother-in-law's experience when the beer stops flowing so does the so-called friendship. You see most problem drinkers stick together not because of their love and friendship for another human being, but because they are not comfortable in a normal environment of fellowship and can't loosen up unless they can drink more than enough in a guilt free situation. Most problem drinkers drink for the effect of what it does for them…not what it does to them. Drink enough alcohol and you become addicted to it. His “friends” perform work for him because it masks their real motives, and deludes them into believing they don't have a drinking problem. That's the excuse they give them selves because they don't want to face the fact that they have a problem with alcohol. The work that they do for him “justifies” their drinking and in their minds they rationalize that they are there to work... with the drinking secondary. As an added note one 12oz bottle of beer is equivalent to one 80 proof ounce of hard liquor. So, if a person drinks a lot of beer they drink a lot of alcohol. Therefore, to answer your question directly they do the work to justify and rationalize their drinking, not the other way around.

I realize that you are not envious of your neighbor's lot in life. He and his “friends” are to be pitied rather than envied. It's almost like looking at a wealthy person, living in a grand house with all the trappings that a rich person has and ignoring the fact that he and his friends have a terminal disease that is waiting to destroy them. Alcohol does that to people it destroys them, their families and their friends. Alcoholism is a deadly disease and but for the Grace of God there go you. If you take an unemotional look at the difference between you and your neighbor and ask yourself “who is living the normal life” the answer will be very clear…you are! Alcoholism is a cunning, baffling and insidious disease, so who really knows why an addict does what they do for a drink.

I hope that I have helped you with my answer. If there is anything further that I can help you with, please do not hesitate to contact me again. Allexperts have been having a problem with their web page as of late. I would appreciate it if you would get back to me and tell me the method by which you got through to me. Thank you again for your question. Rebos70.