Expert: james52144@earthlink.net - 1/7/2007

Question
I met my boyfriend 5 years ago, he was working with me, he was on job release for a DUI, I did not know at first he was an alcoholic, we became good friends that later turned into a relationship.  He told me he was never going to drink again, and me not knowing anything about alcoholics I believed him, the first 3 years we were together he did not drink, He has started again and things are defiantly not the way they used to be, I don't know what to do to help him he has been to detox before, he has been to counseling, I am afraid for him and for our relationship.  They say you have to hit rock bottom to want to stop, he has at one time or another lost everything including his 3 girls to cys (when he got his girls back that is when he started again he wanted to celebrate getting them back).  We live together and once he starts drinking he tells me if I don't go get him more he will leave, I am afraid for him to leave because he will go right back to jail for another DUI, or something else stupid.  So I get it for him (i guess in my head if he is at home at least I know he is safe and can't get into trouble).  When he is not drinking he is the best thin that has ever happened to me we never argue, and we do everything together, when he is drinking that is a completely different story.  Please help me he refuses to go to AA, he says the only people that go to AA are people that have to, due to Po's and sentencing.  I love him more than anything I need your advise please.

Answer
Dear Holly

First, NEVER buy alcohol for an alcoholic. You become an enabler, and you seal his doom. He will die from this disease if he doesn't stop drinking. Second, you need to go to Alanon to learn how to cope with an alcoholic. The tragedy of alcoholism is not that it kills those with the disease, it also kills the people who love them.

Good luck