Expert: Clyde - 5/27/2007

Question
I have lived with my boyfriend for one year. He drank away his job and
apartment and living with me was a last resort. After months of mayhem and
me leaving him he finally enrolled in  rehabilitation center.  He did
wonderfully and I allowed him to move back in with me to my new apartment
so that he could get back on his feet. the  same day he left rehab he relapsed
big time. After that he took responsibility once again and got a sponsor,
saught counseling and attends AA. Unfortunately he has decided to replace
marijuana with alcohol and though he isnt violent he is still mean and difficult
to deal with. Marajuana also lowers his inhibitions and makes him more likely
to drink eventually. Of course, anything I say is used as an excuse to get
drunk or high so I cant talk this over with him. I love him and want to be
supportive and I believe he is committed to eventually being alcohol and drug
free. But honestly I am tired, full of resentment, fearful and not willing to go
through anymore potential relapses. I cant take one more broken object,
physical assault, stolen credit card, or negative comment.  How do I break
this off safely and also get out of this living situation.

Answer
Star,
  Thank you for your question.  I cannot emphasize enough, and you need to seriously listen to this - seek your own help before you consider his!  He has supportive persons in his life (and you are one of those supports) and he must take the responsibility to use those to his best interest.  But the fact is, he is abusing you.
  Your needs are primarily to find support and protection from this relationship.  Broken objects and physical assaults are indications that you are in physical danger.  If you haven't already done so, find the nearest women's shelter and seek their help in contacting the authorities.  Let someone know about this immediately.
  Second to this primary need is the suggestion to call Alanon and get to a meeting of this group.  In there you will find supportive women who have lived (and are living) through the same ordeal.  You will begin to learn more about alcoholism and drugs and their effect on people.  The primary message is "You did not cause it [alcoholism]; you cannot control it; and you cannot cure it."
   I hope you take this advice very seriously and do this for you.  You can deal with the relationship issues later. But for now, you must seek support and protection for yourself.