Expert: Rebos - 8/3/2006

Question
She does. I am an alcoholic.  I go to bars, turn my phone off and take my wedding ring off.  I am verbally abusive and I lose control.  This has been going on for two years now and I cant seem to control myself.
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Followup To

Question -
In the past my fiancé and I have had problems when one of us goes out with out the other. She has told me in no uncertain terms that I may not ever go out to a bar again if I want to maintain a relationship with her. However, it is OK for her to go out with her girlfriends when ever she wants. During our relationship we have both done things that we regret. I think this is a double standard, she on the other hand tells me things like I have self control and I don’t trust that you will be faithful. How should I handle this.

Answer -
Good morning Bill, and thank you for your question.

Is your girlfriend upset with you because you are drinking too much when you go out, and/or does she have other reasons why she does not want you to go to bars more than just not trusting you? In order to answer your question I will need more details about your relationship. Thank you Rebos

Answer
Good morning again Bill:

Now we got down to the real problem I’ve got something to work with.
I guess that I asked you the right question!

You haven’t mentioned if you are going to AA, or if you are trying to stop
drinking on your own? I hope that you are going to AA and are not trying
to get sober on your own, I don’t know of any alcoholic that has done it
on there own and not continue to suffer from the mental obsession to want
to drink (and usually does drink when the craving gets bad enough). The fact
that you are concerned with your drinking means that alcohol has become
too important a factor in your life. When a person has to start thinking
about controlling their drinking they have already lost control. Any one
can stop drinking, but the whole idea is to stay stopped.

Booze is a great remover. It will take everything away from you
because it starts to make all of your decisions for you. That’s apparently
what happening to you. Believe me it always gets worse
it never gets better. The disease of alcoholism is a disease of “denial”.
It tells you that you’re OK and there is nothing wrong with you.

Below you will find 12 questions that can be used to determine whether you
are having a problem or not. They must be answered truthfully in order for
them to be meaningful.

1. Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a
week or so, but only
lasted for a couple of days?

2. Do you wish that people would mind their own
business about your
drinking and stop telling you what to do?

3. Have you ever switched from one drink to
another in the hope that this
would keep you from getting drunk?

4. Have you ever had an eye-opener upon wakening
during the past year?

5. Do you envy people who can drink without
getting into trouble?

6. Have you had any problems connected with
drinking during the past year?

7. Has your drinking caused trouble at home?

8. Do you ever try to get extra drinks at a party
because you do not get
enough?

9. Do you tell yourself that you can stop
drinking any time you want to,
even though you keep getting drunk when you don't
mean to?

10. Have you missed days at work or school
because of drinking?

11. Do you have "blackouts" ? A blackout is when
you have been drinking
there are periods of time that you can't
remember.

12. Have you ever felt that your life would be
better if you did not
drink?

IF YOU ANSWER YES TO 4 OR MORE QUESTIONS then you are probably in trouble
with alcohol.

Remember that there is no shame in being Alcoholic...The shame is in doing
nothing about it. Alcoholism is a disease and not a matter of willpower or
a moral issue. To be an alcoholic is not being a bad person, it is being a
sick person that can get well.

Why not make it easy for your self and get help for what you yourself
seemed to have described as a problem. Don't be like the guy who says "when I get that bad I'll do something about my drinking". It appears that you
are that sick already. You can find many types of help that are available
to problem drinkers. However, I would suggest you do go to AA a try. They
have a good track record. But, wherever you go or whatever you do to get
help..."yagottawanna". Give it an honest try, say, for 30 days and I
guarantee  that if you don't pick up a drink you life will get better. If
you are having blackouts and you drink long enough the odds will certainly
run out for you and something, I don't know what, but something will
happen to you where someone or something else will be making the decision
for you to stop. Like the courts, your doctor, your boss, your wife, etc.
Why wait for that to happen. There is an old saying that, "Once you turn a
cucumber into a pickle, you can't change it back to a cucumber".

I will be more tha happy to provide you with more information If I
can be of further help you can contact me again through AllExperts.
Thank you Rebos