Expert: Clyde - 8/2/2007

Question
you say that I have a life but I am 47 have 6 children the youngest 2 who are 9 and 3 I look ugly I have no money as my husband has reduced my payments,I dont know why my husband is like this and why does he hate me so much he says that I am old and boring and wants to go out with friends.He has also started hanging out with people I never thought id see him with his morals have went downhill he also lies and insists that he hasnt said things or done things or blames things on me his latest thing is totally blanking me he has sent me a lawyers letter wanting to see our 2 youngest but he wasnt responsible enough to even watch them in our own home.What do I do I dont want to deprive my children of their Dad but I worry about theyre safety My husband also says that he doesnt drink or should I say hardly ever.Sometimes I wonder if its me and im imagining all this stuff

Answer
Carol,
   Thank you for your feedback and your continued story.
   I know it is hard to see anything getting better when you are at this low.  It is a really tough place to be.  Let me suggest that this will pass if you consider Alanon.  This has to be done for you and for no one else.  If I had not gotten sober I would never have been able to be a dad to my daughter.  I would never have experienced what it means to be a dad or a husband.  AA and Alanon are the key to a renewal in your outlook.
  In your case as well, you have fought this battle against a sickness and it has caused you to view life in a very dark way.  Don't get me wrong I can see why you have found yourself where you are right now. I have been there.
  You are focused on the actions of your husband and I do not doubt that he does all these things.  I don't suspect you are imagining them all since alcohol is involved.
  Alanon will give you a chance to focus on Carol and what she wants for her future.  You will be able to put the actions of your husband behind you and allow him to be him and you to be you.  As I said before you will have a tremendous support system.  You will benefit from women who have dealt with exactly the same things you are now dealing with and you will find hope in their success at getting out of it.
   I hear your concern for your children and I don't minimize that one bit.  We must be vigilant in watching out for their safety so you are right in having this concern. Protect them as best you can.  Get the authorities involved if you have to do so.
   Hope this helps.
Grace and Peace