Expert: Rebos - 7/30/2006

Question
Hi i am tabatha and i am definitily a alcoholic and have been attenting meeting every day for the last 21/2 and i am very happy with some of the results i have seen...But my question is that i am a 38 year old mother of two girl 11 and son 10 and all my drinking affected them big time and i want to get on the right track...I would love some emotional support i have a conscious contact with my higher power which is my lord and savior JESUS CHRIST!!! AND I AM MARRIED FOR THE SECOND TIME WE HAD A ANNIVERSARY ON APRIL 13 AND IT MADE 5 YEARS AND I WANT A NEW LIFE WITH HIM A LIFE LIKE NEVER BEFORE...I RECENTLY GRADUATED CHANGED PROFESSIONS AND I HAVE HAD SEVERAL INTERVEIWS AND NOTHING YET...AND YES THIS MAKE ME FEEL HORRIBLE... I FEEL WHAT DID I DO WRONG YOU KNOW THE ALCOHOLIC STINKY THINKING.....BUT ANY WAY I AM HERE AND I AM DESPERATE NEED FOR SUPPORT I DO HAVE A SPONSOR AND I AM STARTING TO WORK MY STOPS ON THE FIRST OF AUGUST 1 AND YOU KNOW WHAT I AM SCARD AS HECK!!! BUT ANYWAY IF YOU CAN HELP ME WITH ANY ADVICE THAT WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED AND I MEAN GREATLY


Answer
Good morning Tabatha:

Thank you for your question. I will put an AA hat on for you in answer to your question.

First off …it’s great that you have 2-1/2 months in the program of AA, but for God’s sake don’t get well too soon! If you continue to work your program by going to meetings, asking your Higher Power for a day of sobriety, getting active in your home group, staying close to your sponsor, working the twelve steps in all of your affairs, and thanking you Higher Power at night then I am sure that you will stay sober. Sometimes that’s all that you can expect for that day…that is staying sober. You should remember that you will get better, but life will go on and you will suffer from the same things that non-alcoholics must face each day. BUT, the one thing that is important YOU DON’T DRINK OVER LIFE PROBLEMS THAT YOU WILL HAVE. You are in too much of a rush to get well, and the feelings that you have are very normal for a newcomer to recovery.

You are on the right track! By you asking questions shows me that you are teachable and have an open mind.

I would suggest that you regularly attend step meetings, and by the time you learn about the steps you won’t be scared. Step 1 is simplicity in itself. However, its importance to the alcoholic is immeasurable, and basic to an alcoholic's recovery. There are no profound philosophical or scientific theories expounded within its content. It is a step by which the alcoholic identifies himself with, thinking… "Hey, that's me they are talking about"! You will find that a discussion of this step usually involves drunk-a-logs, and the trouble that all alcoholics have experienced?
                                                                             
You will (hopefully) have incorporated Step 3 into you life where you will have made a decision to turn your will and you life over to God. How you feel will never keep you sober, it’s what you believe that will keep you sober, and what you must believe is the truth. The truth is that you are an alcoholic, and drinking is no longer an option in your life. You cannot take even one drink in safety. If you want to pick up a drink, pick up the phone first and give someone in the program a call. If I still want to drink eat something sweet, it will help with your sugar level that your body may be looking for. Try taking a warm shower to relax yourself. Try whatever you can to stop the mental obsession to pick up that first drink. Call your local AA Central Office someone is usually there to answer the phone. Even talk to a complete stranger if you have to. It is better than picking up a drink and having the cycle of drinking start all over again. If you don’t pray and you become desperate enough try praying it works when all else fails. It is suggested that praying is a good thing to do to confirm your powerlessness over the drink that you are thinking about. Above all try not to pick up the first drink. The mental obsession will lessen the longer you stay away from the first drink.” Step 1 will remove your blinders, and allow you to see the truth about your powerlessness over alcohol.   

Your acceptance in being an alcoholic is confirmed each time you say, "My name is Tabatha… I’m an alcoholic, and I am powerless over alcohol whether I drink it or not." In your mind that statement should confirm AA’s threefold disease concept of alcoholism: The Mental; dealing with the thought that precedes the first drink. The Physical; describing the compulsive need of the body for more alcohol once the first drink is taken, and the Spiritual; being a deterioration of values leading to irresponsible actions. In the 12 and 12 a commentary is made concerning the mental obsession and the physical compulsion of alcoholism.  An "allergy" they call it to describe the condition of alcoholism.

The difference between you admitting and accepting your powerlessness is the level of commitment involved. Let's face it to be powerless means to have no power at all and that may be a very scary place for some of us to be at when you think you are running the show. The 12 and 12 mentions, “until we are ready to accept our personal powerlessness, and utter defeat, recovery is not possible”.  

Step 1 also tells you, that it’s the first drink that gets you drunk. It may not make you drunk, but being an alcoholic you must learn that the first drink would eventually get you drunk. It was not the second; the fifth or the tenth drink that got you drunk, it was the first. If you don't drink that first drink you can't get drunk. Old timers in AA always said, "When you get hit by a train it's the engine that kills you, not the caboose".  

Yes you will feel very guilty about what you put you kids and your husband through…but give it time and you will be able to make amends to them when you get to step 9 of your recovery. BUT in the meantime by your example of staying sober you will get the feeling of being a good mother and wife back again, BECAUSE YOU WILL BE ONE.

I could go on and on for a long time but I won’t….its up to you to do the legwork. You’ll get back in return what you put into your recovery. “HALF MEASURES WILL AVAIL YOU NOTHING” as they say in AA.

Give yourself a break and don’t be so hard on your self. I hope that I have helped you but I haven’t told you anything that your sponsor would not have told you. If I can be of further help feel free to contact me again through Allexperts. Thank you Rebos