Expert: Rebos - 9/22/2007

Question
I am a recovering drinker my son is now drinking he is 23 years old has a great job with the railroad but it loosing it his truck and everything else because he will not stop drinking he went to rehab  and now lives with me he pays nothing and does nothing what should I do I am financially going down the drain and he does nothing to help

Answer
Good morning Mike and thank you for your question.

If you are recovering in AA, I would suggest that you talk to your Sponsor. If you are in AA, and don’t have a Sponsor, you should talk to one of the “old timers” in the program and get yourself a Sponsor ASAP. If you are not recovering in the AA program then I have the following advice for you… you have become an “enabler”. If you don’t know what an enabler is… An enabler is a person that perpetuates an alcoholics drinking by not holding them responsible for their irresponsible behavior! Every time you get your son out of a jam you, in a sense, are buying him his next drink. By you not charging him rent to live with you is a big mistake. You have become part of the problem rather than part of the solution. I would suggest that you start to attend Al-Anon meetings and you will learn how to live with a drunk and how to stop being an enabler. If you do not have your local Alanon number call toll-free: 1-888-425-2666 (United States) or 1-800-443-4525 (Canada). If you go to Alanon you will find that your problem is not quite as unique as you may think, but you will learn how to manage you unmanageable life.

If I can be of further help please send me a follow-up message. Thank you Rebos.