AboutJan Edward Williams Expertise all questions related to drug or alcohol addiction, except those requiring the expertise of a physician or those relating to mental health problems apart from addiction. See my web site: http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com
Experience I have been working as a licensed addictions counselor for 29 years and am in recovery myself for 31 years
Organizations Licensed Clinical Professional Counselors Maryland
Maryland Addictions Professional Certification Board
Education/Credentials MS Counseling
Licensed Clinical Alcohol and Drug Counselor, Maryland
Question QUESTION: Hi, about almost a year ago I got with my spouse. She has been clean
from drugs and alcohol for a little over a year now. She had a bad
break-up with a female and turned to drugs and alcohol to ease her troubles
so to speak. Before that she only did them once in a great while. So
for two months she went down that road, went to rehab, and then we got
together when she was clean for about 2 months clean. Now she wants to
drink once in awhile. I have stopped her up until now, but she is saying
she is her own person and shouldnt be told what to do. I can't always
be around to stop her. What should I do, should I let her drink? I am
tired of fighting with her over not drinking, she says she wants to do
it once a while. Is it okay for her do to if she really sticks to only
having it once in a great while again like she used to besides for the
period when she had a bad break-up? I appreciate any help!
ANSWER: Hi Kim,
It is a healthy sign that you are seeking help to deal with your spouse's drinking problem. I don't have enough information to diagnose whether your spouse is an alcoholic or not. If she is an alcoholic, then, by definition, she cannot drink under control, without negative consequences, for any substantial period of time. Unfortunately, no one can control whether an alcoholic drinks or how much the alcoholic drinks. I strongly suggest that you think about attending meetings of Al-Anon, http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/, the Twelve Step Program for persons who love an alcoholic, to learn how not to enable your spouse's continuing to drink, and for support for yourself. See also my website: http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com/FamilyAddictionsCounselingonline.html. Just copy the address and paste it into your browser. My e-mail is jwilliams@alcoholdrugsos.com. Good luck, Jan Williams
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thanks for all the help, you said you didn't have enough info to diagnose if she is an alcoholic or not, so can you actually tell me if she is if I give you all the info she needed. I asked her tonight about it and she said she only drank 2 or 3 times a week or less, but she used to smoke weed all the time, every day. It sounds to me like she was more addicted to the weed and not the alcohol. Is it wrong for me to want to have a drink with her once in awhile? I havn't told her that I want to because I don't want to put any ideas in her head that I condone it. I like to drink myself on occasion, maybe like once a month or less. But since I have been with her I have drank I think twice in the last year. I would love to go out and have a drink very rarely with her, would that be wrong if I went and did that if she popped the question about it, she has on a few occasions. Thanks again for the help and advice!
Answer Hello Kim,
It's not how often a person drinks but the result of drinking, that is, loss of control, negative personality change, blackouts, tension in relationships, etc. Marijuana can, contrary to popular opinion, cause addiction and serious problems. Again, if your spouse is an alcoholic or an addict, she should not use any psychoactive substance. If you wish further information, e-mail me at jwilliams@alcoholdrugsos.com. Good luck,
Jan Williams
