Expert: Rebos - 10/3/2006

Question
My husband doesn't wake up and drink.  Nor does he hide anything either.  However, when he comes home from work be it noon or 6pm first he goes to the store and gets beer and then immediatly cracks it open.  Then he will procede to drink all twelve beers.  It used to be 6, now it's tweleve.  The beer container takes up one whole space in my fridge.  When he gets really drunk, he starts in on me and puts me down.  Then he talks about all the uncomplished tasks he's never completed.  I've decided to go to al-anon..Is this supportive to both he and I?  

Answer
Good afternoon Danielle:

Thank you for your question. I am pleased to hear that you are going to go to AlAnon. Yes, in a way AlAnon does support alcoholics, but not in a way that he himself needs support for his addiction to beer. AlAnon is for the support of family and friends for someone who has an alcoholic in their lives

It is Alcoholics Anonymous that your husband should be going to in order to see if he is an alcoholic, and if so, that is where he will get the support that he needs. There is no one method used in the recovery of alcoholism that works for everyone, and there is no cure for the disease of alcoholism. If you take a cucumber and turn it into a pickle, you can never change it back to a cucumber again. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic! There are recovering alcoholics and there are active alcoholics. That being said alcoholism is not a moral issue. It is considered a disease by the American Medical Assoc. There is no shame in being an alcoholic the shame is in doing nothing about it! Unfortunately, AA or any other method that an active alcoholic may try to use to recover does not always work for those “who need it”, but will always work for those “who want it”. Your husband may need a detox and some in house counseling.  If he is healthy and does not yet have convulsions or seizures during his sober periods he probably can do without being detoxified. However if his health has deteriorated it would be wise for him not to stop “cold turkey”.

If your husband drinks a lot of beer he drinks a lot of alcohol. There is a similar amount of alcohol in such standard drinks as a 12-ounce glass of beer, a 4-ounce glass of wine, and 1.25 ounces of 80-proof liquor. So if your husband drinks 12- twelve ounce cans of beer then he might as well have drunk 15 ounces of 80 proof hard liquor. Almost a full pint of hard liquor, and that’s a lot of hard liquor!

Please remember that if you had to write me and ask the question that you did ask…then that should be enough of a reason for your husband to get help with his drinking problem. If drinking causes problems then it is the problem!

There is such a thing (when it comes to drunks) called a Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hyde syndrome. I’m talking about a change in personality when your husband drinks too much for his system to handle, (In some people it may set in with only one drink, or in others…more). A change in personality does not necessarily mean that the person will tell the truth when they are drunk, but they become less inhibited to say and do stupid things. In your husband’s case I would say that when he gets drunk he is filled with guilt and remorse which exhibits itself as the “poor me’s and if only’s”.

I hope that I have helped you in some way. Feel free to contact me again if you have any other questions that might have developed from this answer. Thank you, Rebos