Expert: Rebos - 3/26/2007

Question
I am an 18 year old about to graduate from high school and planning on atending college next year.  For the last year I have been dating another 18 year old who I have grown to love and care about very deeply.  However, he has diagnosed psychological disorders and is an alcoholic.  He has had long periods of sobriety in which our relationship has flourished, but those periods never lasted.  He went through detox once and followed sporadically with outpatient therapy. I stuck with him through this despite the concerns of my family and friends because of our love.  Now, four months after detox, he began drinking heavily again.  During a recent binge, he can to my house and stole my parents' alcohol.  When I dumped the alcohol, he became violent, destroying my house, insulting me harshly, and eventually punching out a window that caused him to severe an artery in his wrist.  While I frantically drove him to the hospital he continue to call me nasty names. After the incident, I broke up with him because I feared for my own safety and stopped answering calls from him.  Now, two weeks later, I received a call from him saying that he is in a month-long rehad program.  He recognizes his mistakes and has apologized profusely for his wrongs. He told me that he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I obviously still love him deeply, and the time we've spent apart has allowed me to forgive him.  Can I trust him? I know that he is going through a lot right now and I don't want him to hurt, but I don't know if it is healthy to enter into a relationship with him again. My family would not support my decision to do so becuase they have seen the effect that his drinking has had upon me.  What do I do?

Answer
Good Morning Jenny:

Thank you for your question.

Since your question was lacking a number of important particulars, such as; has your boyfriend tried Alcoholics Anonymous and/or have you gone to any AL-Anon meetings? Is your boyfriend either physically or mentally abusive to you? Is it your opinion that your boyfriend has an anger problem? Is your boyfriend on any medically necessary medication and does he take it regularly as prescribed?

Rather than answer your question in a generic way, it would make my answer more tailor-made for your specific circumstances if you gave me the information that I need to be responsive to you. Thank you Rebos