Expert: Jan Edward Williams - 11/25/2007

Question
I am 25 and have just moved in with my long-distance boyfriend of 3 years.  A night of drinking for us is like Russian roulette.  It may be a fabulous time, or a screaming crying argument.  Drinking and going to bars has always been a huge part of our relationship, but it is making me miserable.  I feel like I can't stop going out with him, because I miss the fun times we used to have going out.  I get very depressed and easily angry after drinking too much.  I act like a complete jerk to my boyfriend and then feel overwhelming, crushing guilt and depression the next day.  I am on an antidepressant/antianxiety medication, which is known to not mix well with drinking.  Alcoholism also runs in my family.  I have said several times that I need to stop drinking entirely, as it causes huge problems in an otherwise great relationship.  I am worried that bars/drinking/the nightlife is too big a part of our relationship and don't know what will happen if he continues to go out without me.  I don't have any friends where we live since I just moved here, and my boyfriend's friends seem to only like to party together.  I insist that I am only going to have one drink and go home, but I get caught up in the excitement of everyone having fun and I end up getting very drunk.  I keep trying to push my boyfriend away, telling him we need to break up because I can't deal with these episodes anymore and how unfair they are to him and devastating to me.  I only have these rages/crying episodes with my boyfriend.  Unfortunately, I can go out with other people and generally be fine.  It's so hard to not be tempted to put on a cute outfit, drink my signature red wine, and dance the night away when it comes to the weekend.  Do you have any advice?

Answer
Hello Emily,
First of all give yourself a pat on the back for asking for help. Recognition of a problem and asking for help can be the beginning of correcting the problem. Negative personality change, tension in a relationship, use when contraindicated due to taking prescribed medication, remorse due to behavior under the influence, a family history of alcoholism, (it sounds as if you may have inherited an alcoholic gene), inability to control amounts consumed, are all indicators of alcoholism. If these indicators ahve been present long enough to constitute a pattern, then I recommend that you consider yourself one of those people who cannot drink successfully and who need to be abstinent, and consider seeking professional help to stop, including attending meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous. I know that the label of alcoholic may seem a harsh one but try to be honest with yourself as you have already begun to do by seeking help. Check my website for information and help. Just copy this address and paste it into your browser": http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com