Expert: Jan Edward Williams - 11/21/2007

Question
I have known M for six years, and he is one of my closest friends. He just graduated college and I have noticed he is still drinking to incredible excess. His freshman year, he was sent to the hospital. He has a history of alcoholism in his family, and he actually uses that as an EXCUSE for him to drink - since it's in his genes, he might as well give in to it. Recently he came to visit me and he got so trashed that he couldn't walk in a straight line or stand up on his own. I love him as a friend, but I can't handle him being drunk like that. Is there anything I can do? Is he suffering from alcoholism? How can I help him?

Answer
Hello Ali,
I congratulate you on acting on your concern about your friend's drinking; often people just stand by and do not seek help. I don't have enough information to be able to agree, or not, with your conclusion that M is an alcoholic. Being sent to the hospital early on in one's drinking history is not necessarily an indicator of a problem. We look for a pattern of negative behaviors as a basis for a diagnosis of a problem. Certainly concern from friends, a pattern of loss of control (as evidenced by intoxication to the point of incoherence and inability to function), and a family history of alcoholism (a high tolerance plus alcoholism in a parent put a person at great risk to develop alcoholism) are indicators of alcoholism. His mind set about drinking and giving in to his genetic predisposition are, for me, a strong indicator that he does have a serious problem: denial plays a strong role in this disease. I am not sure how to advise you to proceed. I do not know if you have any leverage to help M to see he has a problem, such as family members or other friends who are also aware of the problem and willing to intervene with you. I certainly would continue to be honest with M about your concerns and to keep on letting him know when his drinking and associated behaviors are inappropriate. I have a lot of information about alcoholism available on my web site. You may wish to look at it and suggest M also do so: http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com In addition to the home page see these pages as well: http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com/FamilyAddictionsCounselingonline.html and http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com/alcoholicsaddictscounseling.html Good luck. Jan Williams