AboutJan Edward Williams Expertise all questions related to drug or alcohol addiction, except those requiring the expertise of a physician or those relating to mental health problems apart from addiction. See my web site: http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com
Experience I have been working as a licensed addictions counselor for 29 years and am in recovery myself for 31 years
Organizations Licensed Clinical Professional Counselors Maryland
Maryland Addictions Professional Certification Board
Education/Credentials MS Counseling
Licensed Clinical Alcohol and Drug Counselor, Maryland
Expert: Jan Edward Williams Date: 10/25/2007 Subject: How much is too much??
Question My husband and I have been married for 24 years. He became legally blind (10 yrs ago) and is on disability. This stressed or marriage, but we were hanging in there ok. We are(were) both social drinkers -- on the heavy side occasionally. Last summer I discovered that he was drinking heavily during the day (mostly while I was at work) and that this was occurring every day. At that time he was drinking between 6-12 beers (averaging 8 a day I suppose). He would drink most of those by himself during the day, when I was at work. When I confronted him about this, he confessed that he had been doing this for about a year at that level. I suspect he is in denial, and that it had been going on longer than that. Because he is blind, it is hard for me to tell when he is impaired; so I can't be sure. Also, it doesn't affect his work, since he doesn't have a job; and there is no impaired driving, since he can't drive.
When I confronted him I told him that I was through, and I was leaving him (we have 2 kids, 18 & 13). He apologized and begged me to stay and try to work it out. I agreed. There were a couple other incidents since then where he was intoxicated, and I confronted him. He always gets defensive and says he has a right to drink if he wants to and doesn't need my permission.
When I first realized how much he was drinking I had knowledge of how much beer was being purchased and could keep track by how much went through the refrigerator. Well, now he makes sure that it appears there is none missing from the refrigerator; however, I know for a fact that he is drinking an average of 4-5 beers a day (every day). He is doing this while I am not home or outside of my presence, and only drinks water when he is around me. I have not confronted him with this new information. I am ready to divorce!!
My friends are getting tired of me dumping this on them, and many of them tell me "that's really not that much"; or "that's normal for guys to drink that much". My question is -- does he have a problem, or am a blowing this out of proportion??
Answer Hello Krista,
I don't really have enough information to place a firm diagnosis of alcoholism on your husband's alcohol use. All you've presented is the amounts of alcohol he drinks and the fact that his drinking causes tension in your relationship. The amount he drinks is probably harmful to his health. Does he have blackouts, negative personality change, injuries, dangerous behaviors, etc.?
