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Addiction to Alcohol/what can be done?
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Hi. I met my boyfriend when i was 12 and he was 16. He used to get badly drunk every weekend ie. being sick and unconscious etc. Over the yrs this behavior has calmed down but now at the age of 27 he doesn't get badly drunk but he has to have a drink every single night. He has between 4 and 8 cans of carling and if he runs out of money we have to put up with a bad atmosphere in the house that night! we have 2 sml children. He rarely admits he's an alcoholic. I'm sure he must be. He doesn't get violet or abusive but when he's not drinking life is better and he seems happier. I know he gets annoyed about his drinking. As soon as he gets in from work he must have a drink, if he e.g goes from work and does something with his mates he doesn't even think about drinking. It's just when he gets home! He has stopped for a yr before and sometimes stops for a couple of wks or months but then the drinking up to 8 cans a night will start all over again. Usually after a drunken session ie. at Christmas time or if something bad has happened he will start drinking again. He would never go to any AA meetings and wont even see the doc about his problems. If any medical person ever asks how much he drinks he lies.i belive 2 or 3 cans a night he will say. Shock tactics seem to have the best type of reaction to him. He has seen a hypnothearpist some yrs ago and this helped for a couple of months then it was back to the norm. Thank for your answer
Greetings to you, Lianne.
You have written:
>> Shock tactics seem to have the best type of reaction to him.
The hard fact about problem drinkers, however, is that we usually have to be rather badly mangled before we ever begin looking at ourselves honestly and truly seeking permanent solutions.
I am almost never an advocate of what is called “intervention”, but maybe you can find a doctor or minister or even a professional counselor who understands what makes people “tick”, and who can carefully “reach inside” and get your partner’s attention.
My best to you,
Joseph Lee O.
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Answers by Expert:
Joseph Lee O.
Expertise
Greetings to you! Amidst the insufficiency of all the philosophical, religious and “self-help” approaches to relief from chronic alcoholism, I have personally experienced the content of “Alcoholics Anonymous”, the book. Thus, I can now explain at least the essence of the physical, mental and emotional aspects of an alcoholic's inherent condition and plight, and I can show why a spiritual solution is required and how it works and how to attain one.
Experience
The oldest of four boys, I grew up in a religious, Midwestern-USA family. Unable to decline a friendly offer in a social setting, I had "no effective mental defense against the first drink" ("Alcoholics Anonymous", the book, page 43), and took my very first drink ever at age 24 ... and within minutes I had become obsessed with getting more of the effect that glass of homemade wine had given me. Alcohol had just done something *for* me that nothing else had ever done; it had seemingly "fixed" something inside me I had not even known was broken.
Over the next seven years of my life, I "drank up" just about everything and everyone ever meaning much to me at all, and I eventually abandoned my young family so I could drink and smoke pot at will. For, you see, alcohol was giving me a good-to-go feeling about life and a sense of control I had never before had, and at least in the early days of my drinking it could kill just about any pain that came along.
At age 31, however, circumstances and consequences had piled up all around me in ways that were making it obvious I could not continue on much longer. Life had become too tough, my pains had grown too great and the dangers of continuing to drink had become too undeniable for me to be able to continue believing I might ultimately survive an inescapable drop to the bottom of the pit. I still wanted to be able to drink safely as in days past, but something had seemingly "taken over" my drinking and was dragging me completely out-of-control after just one drink. So, and even while completely overwhelmed by the thought of facing life alcohol-free, I decided to stop drinking altogether ... and I quickly discovered I could not. No matter what I said, thought or did even just "one day at a time", I always ended up drinking once again. Where I wanted to drink safely, I could not, and neither could I remain abstinent for very long at all ... and such is the physical "allergy" (where one drink takes another) coupled with alcoholism’s mental-emotional obsession for the effect of alcohol ...
... but then I met a small group of people who personally understood my deadly dilemma - my complete personal powerlessness - and those same folks were quite able to propose a permanent solution. I accepted, of course, and today it is as if I "could not drink even if [I] would" ("Alcoholics Anonymous", the book, page 57), and for that I now remain unendingly grateful.
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