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Addiction to Drugs/1st friend died, 2nd friend won't stop.
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Question
Hello, Daniel,
My name is Elaine, and I'm 13 years old. I have a question regarding drug abuse. My first friend was a serious drug addict. She was abused by her father countless times due to her father's alcohol abuse. And one day she just started inhaling doses of drugs. She took counciling for her physical abuse after her father was arrested, but she never recovered from the drug's effect. She went to rehab. For a few weeks i thought she was doing well, but soon i found out she died because of overdose on drugs she bought during the times she uses for visiting. I couldn't stop crying for 3 weeks. Finally i redeemed myself and my tears ran dry. A few months later I found out her younger sister, Amber, was doing drugs to erase herself from seeing her older sister dead in her memory. I don't want to lose her to the angry hold of drugs, but she denies getting help. She just keeps saying,(exact words)"I want to be with Courtney again, only she understands." I feel appalled when i hear those, but she still denies the help she needs! What should i do? She's only my age! She's so young! Please help me help her to just STOP.
Please and thank you,
Elaine, 13
Hi Elaine,
What a precious and caring person you are! I'm so sorry you're going through this difficult situation.
Unfortunately we can't be of much help until your friend is willing to do whatever it takes to get clean. When a person is caught in the sinister trap of drugs, the drugs control the thinking and actions much of the time. Here's the thing Elaine- I don't want you to be a victim any longer in this sad situation. If I were you- I would have a chat with your friend and tell her how much you care about her. That when she is ready to get off the dope you will be there for her. Remind her of the beautiful person you see when she is clean. Remind her that we all have a gift a reason for being here- something wondrous to offer the world and she will never find out what that is- if she stays on dope. Tell her lovingly that Courtney would want her to live up to her potential and would want her to get clean and live a successful life...for both of them. I don't know what type of person Amber is but if it's appropriate ask her to ask Courtney's spirit what she should do.
Then sweetie- you need to distance yourself emotionally from this predicament.. You do not deserve to let her dope habit bring you down. This won't be easy to do because your sensitive and caring but you NEED to for your own well being. There's simply nothing else you can do at that point and there's no reason for you to suffer! Life will present so many sad scenarios, this experience is going to help you for the future. And you have a very bright future!
There are several reason's Amber's in a very tough spot.
1.) She's young. Your a lot more mature than a typical 13 yr. old. Always harder for kids this young.
2.) She's had a very tough life and sadly the dope may be the only real comfort she has.
3.) Drugs are very effective short term aids to numb yourself from grief. You can't effectively go through the natural grieving process when using so when she stays off the dope- she will start to grieve as if she just lost her sister.
These things by no means mean she has no hope- she absolutely can get clean and right away. I know your smart and you will tell her you believe in her and know she can do it. But you can't do it for her. She's going to have to do this.
When she displays a willingness- absolutely feel free to contact me right away!
Best of luck to both of you,
Daniel
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Answers by Expert:
Daniel A. Toth
Expertise
Any questions related to: drug abuse,recovery and opiate withdrawal. Friends and family questions are also welcomed- however there's very little I can suggest if the person has no willingness to change.I will only answer NON- PRIVATE questions as my objective is to help as many people as possible- use a fake name. PLEASE DO NOT SUBMIT QUESTIONS REGARDING DRUG TESTS OR HOW LONG YOUR DOPE WILL STAY IN YOUR SYSTEM! My energy is directed at those wishing to stop self destructing.
Experience
Fourteen years active addiction;Eleven years to cocaine and heroin.
I've used every drug I've known about except PCP
Any comments are from personal experiance, and do not necesarily reflect any programs.
SEE UPDATE AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS STORY!
This was for an article in a teen magazine hence the youth perspective:
I was a good kid. A diligent student with a 3.5 GPA through 9th grade. Now I was somewhat shy and didn't have a lot of friends. I discovered that by smoking weed I had instant friends. It was great at the time. All of a sudden I knew all these people, was getting invited to parties- hanging out after school getting high. Pretty soon getting high at lunch and even before school and then ditching school all together. In the beginning it was the social activity, not the "high" that was the major attraction. I just knew I would stop smoking it soon, perhaps after I got a cool girlfriend. Well then I started really enjoying the high- Having a bad day? Forget about in and get stoned. The parents getting on my case? Forget about it and get stoned. This girl I really like doesn't know I exist, better just get stoned. I found a way to great way to cope with all my problems. Well my grades started dropping, my hobbies such as all ocean activities and sports where only done high and then slowly not at all. Nothing was "cool" or important except getting high. With or without my friends. Then I was introduced to Meth or "crystal" Would I have considered it if not for my weed habit? Of course not. Plus I am just going to try it this one time. Wow! Now I could easily talk to girls. In fact I could talk and talk for hours to anyone about anything. And you know I'm one cool, smooth dude. Man I feel good. Then after it wore off I would struggle with depression and smoke a lot of weed until I got more meth. Now high school was over. I had no ambition for college but I did work in the family business. I still could hold a job with these habits. Now a friend tells me about this drug (heroin) that is just like pot except there’s no "burn out" He doesn't address it as heroin but a harmless sounding slang name. I observe him and his friends smoking this brown powder for months. They seem to be having a good time. They don't die. In fact there having more fun than I am. I wanted to try it. Just once, too see what it feels like. I would never try it again. Again it was the new friends at first and then the drug that became the major attraction. But it was o.k. because I'm going to never smoke it again after this next time. Oops, I did it again. O.K. but next week I'm going to quit for sure! Now the heroin made me feel nice, but the cocaine smoking was awesome. Plus no crash because I'll just smoke a little heroin. Before too long I was injecting a cocaine and heroin solution (speedball) into my veins as often as I could. Working did not accommodate my lifestyle. How could I work anyway in heroin withdrawal? I had to get some dope! Let’s see, my family has disowned me, I've sold everything I ever had. I've robbed every friend or family member than I had contact with. What am I going to do? Some how I got my fix every day. Not once but three or four times average. But it was still o.k. because I'm going to quit, maybe even tomorrow after I get high. I went for years thinking this way. I've been arrested many times. I even admitted myself many times to detox to get over the addiction but found myself planning my next high before I even left. I just couldn't cope with life. I didn't know how. But that won't matter, as soon as I get my fix everything will be alright. And it was..., for a little while. At this point I had long stopped kidding myself. I knew I was a hopeless addict. In fact three of my close friends overdosed and died. Another got sent to prison for years, and none of these guys did anything I didn't do. I knew I was on a dead end course to jails, institutions or death. I would put myself into one recovery home after another only to leave to get high. Why? I wasn't ready to admit I was completely powerless over my addiction and my life had become unmanageable. Only after I completely surrendered was I ready to listen to suggestions from the wonderful people in Narcotics Anonymous. (twelve step program) Today I enjoy many blessings of recovery. I have a wonderful family that loves and trusts me. I work every day, pay bills, support myself and even help others where I can. I love to travel and do as I can afford to. I still have problems but today I don't escape with artificial substances. I have learned coping skills, and realize that life isn't always wonderful but it could be a heck of a lot worse. I don't want to wake up one day an old man, and wonder what I could have been. I'm going to find out! You see, I'm one of the lucky ones and am extremely grateful for that. UPDATE 5/24/2005: Relapsed with painkillers about one year ago, and have been struggling since. I have about 30 days clean as of today 5/24. It's no big mystery/shocker. I stopped doing what I needed to do (program) and made a stupid decision. A couple vicodins woke up the dragon. I'll be ok if I do what I did to get the five yrs. Good luck to all of us! 2/14/06 Doing really well today (one day at a time). I also went through and am still very much going through the most difficult thing I ever have without using any drugs. Not hiding from emotional pain today by artificial means but rather accepting my emotions as natural and moving forward. I'm focusing today on not denying my emotions but acting constructively despite. I realize today that any artificial numbing may help in escaping short term pain but then complete facilitate suffering. Today I recognize my self destructive habits.
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