Expert: Crystal - 10/25/2008

Question
Hi. My boyfriend and I used to inject cocaine and meth. We have been clean and sober now for almost a year. When we used, we were very sexual, so using and sex became linked with eachother.

The problem is for the first 8 or so months of our sobriety we did not even try to have sex or do anything sexual. Recently, we started trying to and noticed that every time we do anything sexual, we have really strong cravings for stimulants. First of all, the sex is just not the same without them. And secondly, it just reminds us of our old using days and makes us want to use again. I don't know if that's all of it, but that's what I've noticed.

I am starting to want to use again, whereas during the first 9 months of sobriety I had no cravings and was just grateful to be clean and sober. I am in a 12 step program, have a sponsor, have been through all the steps once, and even have a sponsee.

I don't know why all of a sudden I am having these cravings. I want to have a healthy sex life and stay sober, but it seems like the two aren't going hand & hand. I am starting to feel resentful that I "have to be" sober.

Any insight or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Answer
It is normal to have these types of triggers after using like that but what can you do to make it less intense? Can you spice up your sex life a bit by trying healthy new things that will intensify your enjoyment? If you don't feel like your sponsor is enough then I would try going to a group that addresses sex addictions and triggers. I know these types of groups can offer healthy choices and maybe they can help with other suggestions.
Another question I have to ask is, how are you and the boyfriend now that you are sober? Is it sex with him or just sex?