Expert: Crystal - 10/31/2008

Question
QUESTION: Well i found out my girlfriend fell back into drugs when she has been clean for over a year. I told her before that i cant go out with her if she does them so she promised she wont.  So now she does them on a daily basis and tells me that im messed up for breaking up with her for it, when i told her to pick either drugs or me she said "thats stupid, you cant do that to me they are a part of me". I cant handle the fact that she does that and she wants to get back together in a few months and i asked her will you be clean she said she doesnt know and i miss her so much i love her to death, so what should i do should i move on or sit here and wait please help thank you.
         Andrew

ANSWER: Hi Andrew.

I have to ask, how old are you? How long have you been together and what type of substances is she using? The way you are going about it is not the most effective but your decision is appropriate. If she chooses to still use and does not attempt to quit not just for you but for herself then you need move on. First of all you can't help an addict who doesn't want to be helped and they have to want to change for it to make a difference. Does that make sense? You obviously have values and integrity, hang on to that and do what is best for YOU first.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: well i am 19 and we have been together for 3 years, and it is marijuanaand she told me she cant quit but she still wants me im kinda in a hole not knowing what to do, and how do i let go? I dont know an easy way to let go.

Answer
Andrew,

It is never easy letting go of someone you care about,I understand. It may help you to find a group called ALANON close to where you live and attend a couple of groups. It is a group that helps those suffering from their loved ones addictions.

I hope this has helped.