Expert: Caroline West - 12/11/2008

Question
last night I was faced with the possibility that a dear friend could have OD I ended up having to call and see if the person was ok... The parent that answered the phone checked and they thought that they were ok. when my friend learned that I had called they were extremely upset at me. blaming me for almost getting them busted. To me i did the right thing, but to them i am a traitor. If the person who is addicted to drugs is very closed minded about the fact they could have died, are they too far addicted and gone to realize the real consequences for what they are doing?

Answer
Hi Salas, It is a very 'tread water carefully' situation. Your friend does not want his/her parents to know that he/she is taking drugs because deep down in all addicts hearts and minds they know what they are doing is wrong and there is a level of guilt and shame attached to it.

He/she will look at you as a traitor,thats common,its a mentality of 'us' and 'them' and if you are not one of 'us' therefore you are one of 'them' and the enemy. It sounds daft but that is what happens to an addict-there thinking becomes somewhat distorted.

In my mind now as a recovered addict you did the right thing by checking in on your friend but in the active addicts mind that wont get appreciated-they just want to maintain their secrecy at all costs. You are a good friend but he/she may not see that and ultimately you may get your feelings hurt. I will tell you now,it is very hard to be real friends with an addict because they're sense of friendship is no longer how you or I will see it and thats the sad reality.

The consequences of using does not matter to an addict,they brush it aside because the power of needing/wanting to get the next fix is at the top of their priority list and dying,even though deep down they know its a possibility no longer matters. Thats the powerful pull these drugs have. Being close minded is well put. Even the prospect of going to prison depending on how an addict gets his/her money is not a deterrent either,all logic eventually goes as the person gets deeper and deeper into their addiction.

If you see your friend,who you care about otherwise you would not have wrote to me,getting further into their addiction there may not be a lot you can do until they realize what they are doing themselves and it may take reaching rock bottom for them to get out of it.As a friend stay close and gently speak your fears to them but be prepared that you may not be able to help/rescue them but still let them know you are there for them.

I wish you all the best and if you want to ask me anything more then please don't hesitate to submit more questions and as I have done here I will give you the respect by answering you questions honestly.

Caroline