Expert: Crystal - 12/23/2008

Question
Hi Crystal!

I feel fortunate that my boyfriend saw that he needed to quit heroine or lose everything. He's gone through rehab and has been clean for three months. Clean from drugs at least. Dealing with drug abuse recovery is rather new to me, and I don't know where/what to do with the aftermath of rehab.

1. After rehab he started drinking 1- a lot daily, which I told him was still not acceptable and warned him about what I call "addiction transfer". He has stepped down his drinking to 2-3 days a week of drinking 1-a lot of drinks a day). I still feel concerned about his drinking not only because I read that recovering narcodic addicts shouldn't drink as well, but also because he normally cannot have 1-4 social drinks and call it a night. It's "let me have one more", then one more... and then I have a insomniac cooking at 3am and passing out with a beer in hand spilling on the floor. How do I explain WHY he shouldn't be drinking, or if it is acceptable, where do I draw the line? (He told me that his problem was with heroine, not alcohol and he doesn't see a need to cut back)

2. He's starting to be depressed. Not just a little down, but I came home for my lunch break and he was still in bed. His doctor prescribed Welbutrin for him- which after taking a day he declared it didn't work and stopped taking it. He's starting to miss work and feel a little lost in life. I told him I was taking over the meds, and he would be taking them (I'm fairly familar with depression) and that he needed to make it to work, and encouraged that he at least exercise daily, like walking the dog, to help the endorphins... good move? Is the depression after quitting normal?

3. Meetings. After rehab he started going to group therapy three times a week. Attendance was fairly good at first, and lately is hit and miss. His couselor wants him back again for another round of group- the bf thinks he's done. He also feels that NA meetings- which he's been to a couple- and the entire NA program isn't for him. I bought him the six books and we read from the "just for today" book almost daily, but he refuses to do meetings stating that he's above it and that he just wants to live a normal life with out all those meetings. How do I reality check him that going to meetings, getting a sponsor and working the steps is the path to take towards a "normal life"? I think he has a bit of a delusion as to how well is he... and how he needs support.

Any suggestions would be helpful!!!
Much Thanks
Sharon


Answer
Sharon,

You are taking the right steps but maybe he is missing them. Craving is huge for them after rehab and it makes them reject other help. He absolutely needs to attend groups,get a sponsor,go back to his counselor and any other support that is being offered because sobriety is a lifelong commitment, not only to the one who used but to the ones closest to them. You should attend alanon groups as well to help you deal with what it has done to you because trying to stay strong for him only works when you have a better understanding of what he has gone through and what he has put you through. It will help you to know you are not alone as well and that there is help out there for those of us who help those that use. Make sense? You are brave and wonderful for standing by him through all of this, now allow someone to help you so you can remain strong.