Expert: Caroline West - 12/7/2008

Question
My daughter is 14 and informed me in the middle of a Hallmark store today with the entire family present that she smoke pot for the first time 4 days ago.  There has been alot going on in our lifes since summer so some of her weird behavior I just prushed off as stress related.  She eats alot, sleeps alot, sits in her room alot, almost all her friends smoke pot.  She went from a private school in 7th grade to a public school in 8th grade and boy have things changed.  She also has been extremley conjested, feels warm to touch, and her eyes get blood shot.  How long will her eyes stay blood shot after smoking?  I need to know how long, how much, and where it is happenning.  Any suggestions on how to get these answers?

Answer
Hi Mary. It must have been extremely upsetting for you to learn that your daughter has smoked cannabis/pot and it may be a teenage phase she is going through and doesn't necessarily mean she will become an addict. I'm glad she told you because with the right support it could be sorted.

The problem is that at her school she wants to fit in and her starting to smoke it is ultimately peer pressure where she is seeing other kids doing it and probably thinks its 'cool'.

As for her behavior-a lot of it is her being a teenager and is perfectly natural. Her staying more and more in her bedroom is her way of beginning separating from you her parents and is a totally natural part of growing up and beginning to find some independence so that is natural.

You say she told you she smoked pot for the first time 4 days ago,I am glad she told you. It could be her saying subconsciously 'mum I need help'. The transition from private to public school will have been a huge impact on her and she has now ended up in the wrong crowed. Because you know now she has smoked it for the first time you can sit and talk to her about it. Go to one of her teachers at school and ask their advice as to how to handle this situation. Get as much info as you can about the drug and sit down with her and show her the harm she is doing to herself. There should be a local young persons support team in your area and you could phone them for advice and maybe encourage her to speak to someone even if its the school counselor. Now is the time to intervene before it spirals out of control but you do need support on how to talk to her.

As for the blood shot eyes,that is a common reaction to having smoked pot and should go by the next day or within 2 days at most-it doesn't last.

So,you know where its coming from-peer pressure from her new 'false' school mates. You need to get as much literature on cannabis so you are well informed to be able to speak to her and show her that you know more about it than her. Get in touch with your local Young Persons Advisory Service for ideas on how to talk to her and for support for you. Plus talk to a sympathetic teacher at her school who may be able to encourage her to see the schools counselor and at least the teachers are aware so they can keep an eye on her. I would also suggest you limit her pocket money so at least she wont be able to afford to buy any. I would also suggest that you make her come in earlier when she goes out with her 'mates'.

Mary when you talk to her do not get frustrated and shout but keep calm and ask her to talk to you and listen patiently,listen to her.Be friendly to her and talk to her as the mature young lady she is becoming. Ask her how she felt about the transitions between the two schools and if she finding it hard. Put your feelings to the side and let her open up.She's made the first step by telling you she smoked it for the first time.I believe she wants your help because most kids would hide it from their parents so to me I feel she is a good kid.You have a chance now to catch it before it gets worse.You care about your daughter otherwise you would not have wrote to me and between the two of you I feel you both can work it out and lastly let her know that you are there for her and that you love her.

If you need any more support and advice or you come up against a stumbling block, feel free to write into me again and I will do my best to help you further.Don't lose hope.

All the best, Caroline