Expert: Jacqui - 2/28/2008

Question
MY SON DIED IN DECEMBER 2007, HE WAS ON COCAIN, AND HAD STAPH INFECTION, FROM USING NEEDLES. AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY HE CHOSE TO KEEP ON USING DRUGS, WHEN HE KNEW IT WAS KILLING HIM. THE STAPH GOT IN HIS BLOOD STREAM, AND IT FINALLY MADE HIS HEART STOP. I CAN'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND. HE NEVER TOLD US HE WAS DIEING. CAN ANY ONE EXPLAIN THIS. MY HEART IS BROKEN, I LOVED HIM SO MUCH. HE LIED TO US AND TOLD US HE WAS NOT ON DRUGS ANY MORE. WE FOUND OUT, WHEN HE HAD A MASSIVE STROKE AND THE DOCTORS TOLD US, ABOUT HIS DRUG USE. CAN ANY ONE HELP ME UNDERSTAND?

Answer
Lucille,
I am genuinely sorry to hear about what happened to your family.  There are a lot of complex reasons why people don't tell their family about drug use, especially illegal drug use (as opposed to alcohol, etc).  There is a huge stigma around drug use, and this is regularly reinforced within the media.  People are often ashamed, because drug use is often associated with being a "bad" or "weak" person.  In addition it is illegal and can affect your right to access certain types of services such as housing and health.  The other thing to keep in mind is your son may not have wanted to burden you with worry.  This happens for a lot of reasons and even is situations where families are close.  Unfortunately also, some treatment such as "interventions" and forced detox mean that people are afraid to tell their family because they don't feel ready to give up the drug.  I am sure that you would've been extremely supportive, and cocaine (especially when it is injected) can be a very powerful substance.  

Lucille I would encourage you to make contact with a counsellor or family support group in your area.  There are often organisations made up of families who have also lost a child and it can be very helpful to have someone to empathise with you.  Counselling can help you grieve your son in a way that is helpful, and create a lasting memory of all of the great times you spent together.

If I can offer any further information, please let me know.

Take care,
Jacqui