AboutDaniel A. Toth Expertise Any questions related to:
drug abuse,recovery and
opiate withdrawal.
Friends and family questions are also welcomed- however there's very little I can suggest if the person has no willingness to change.I will only answer NON- PRIVATE questions as my objective is to help as many people as possible- use a fake name.
PLEASE DO NOT SUBMIT QUESTIONS REGARDING DRUG TESTS OR HOW LONG YOUR DOPE WILL STAY IN YOUR SYSTEM! My energy is directed at those wishing to stop self destructing.
Experience Fourteen years active addiction;Eleven years to cocaine and heroin. I've used every drug I've known about except PCP
Any comments are from personal experiance, and do not necesarily reflect any programs.
SEE UPDATE AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS STORY!
This was for an article in a teen magazine hence the youth perspective:
I was a good kid. A diligent student with a 3.5 GPA through 9th grade. Now I was somewhat shy and didn't have a lot of friends. I discovered that by smoking weed I had instant friends. It was great at the time. All of a sudden I knew all these people, was getting invited to parties- hanging out after school getting high. Pretty soon getting high at lunch and even before school and then ditching school all together. In the beginning it was the social activity, not the "high" that was the major attraction. I just knew I would stop smoking it soon, perhaps after I got a cool girlfriend. Well then I started really enjoying the high- Having a bad day? Forget about in and get stoned. The parents getting on my case? Forget about it and get stoned. This girl I really like doesn't know I exist, better just get stoned. I found a way to great way to cope with all my problems. Well my grades started dropping, my hobbies such as all ocean activities and sports where only done high and then slowly not at all. Nothing was "cool" or important except getting high. With or without my friends. Then I was introduced to Meth or "crystal" Would I have considered it if not for my weed habit? Of course not. Plus I am just going to try it this one time. Wow! Now I could easily talk to girls. In fact I could talk and talk for hours to anyone about anything. And you know I'm one cool, smooth dude. Man I feel good. Then after it wore off I would struggle with depression and smoke a lot of weed until I got more meth. Now high school was over. I had no ambition for college but I did work in the family business. I still could hold a job with these habits. Now a friend tells me about this drug (heroin) that is just like pot except there’s no "burn out" He doesn't address it as heroin but a harmless sounding slang name. I observe him and his friends smoking this brown powder for months. They seem to be having a good time. They don't die. In fact there having more fun than I am. I wanted to try it. Just once, too see what it feels like. I would never try it again. Again it was the new friends at first and then the drug that became the major attraction. But it was o.k. because I'm going to never smoke it again after this next time. Oops, I did it again. O.K. but next week I'm going to quit for sure! Now the heroin made me feel nice, but the cocaine smoking was awesome. Plus no crash because I'll just smoke a little heroin. Before too long I was injecting a cocaine and heroin solution (speedball) into my veins as often as I could. Working did not accommodate my lifestyle. How could I work anyway in heroin withdrawal? I had to get some dope! Let’s see, my family has disowned me, I've sold everything I ever had. I've robbed every friend or family member than I had contact with. What am I going to do? Some how I got my fix every day. Not once but three or four times average. But it was still o.k. because I'm going to quit, maybe even tomorrow after I get high. I went for years thinking this way. I've been arrested many times. I even admitted myself many times to detox to get over the addiction but found myself planning my next high before I even left. I just couldn't cope with life. I didn't know how. But that won't matter, as soon as I get my fix everything will be alright. And it was..., for a little while. At this point I had long stopped kidding myself. I knew I was a hopeless addict. In fact three of my close friends overdosed and died. Another got sent to prison for years, and none of these guys did anything I didn't do. I knew I was on a dead end course to jails, institutions or death. I would put myself into one recovery home after another only to leave to get high. Why? I wasn't ready to admit I was completely powerless over my addiction and my life had become unmanageable. Only after I completely surrendered was I ready to listen to suggestions from the wonderful people in Narcotics Anonymous. (twelve step program) Today I enjoy many blessings of recovery. I have a wonderful family that loves and trusts me. I work every day, pay bills, support myself and even help others where I can. I love to travel and do as I can afford to. I still have problems but today I don't escape with artificial substances. I have learned coping skills, and realize that life isn't always wonderful but it could be a heck of a lot worse. I don't want to wake up one day an old man, and wonder what I could have been. I'm going to find out! You see, I'm one of the lucky ones and am extremely grateful for that. UPDATE 5/24/2005: Relapsed with painkillers about one year ago, and have been struggling since. I have about 30 days clean as of today 5/24. It's no big mystery/shocker. I stopped doing what I needed to do (program) and made a stupid decision. A couple vicodins woke up the dragon. I'll be ok if I do what I did to get the five yrs. Good luck to all of us! 2/14/06 Doing really well today (one day at a time). I also went through and am still very much going through the most difficult thing I ever have without using any drugs. Not hiding from emotional pain today by artificial means but rather accepting my emotions as natural and moving forward. I'm focusing today on not denying my emotions but acting constructively despite. I realize today that any artificial numbing may help in escaping short term pain but then complete facilitate suffering. Today I recognize my self destructive habits.
Expert: Daniel A. Toth Date: 4/9/2008 Subject: Fiance & I split due to his addiction
Question I am in need of help. My fiance and I split up a few weeks ago because he revealed he had been using Oxycodone for the past several months. He had been using Darvocet prior to that for about 3 months.
Before we met, he had been through rehab twice during his 20 yr marriage to his ex wife. The first time he was hooked on darvocet was following knee surgery. He lost his job and his mother paid for him to attend rehab. He left rehab early saying he wasnt like these other addicts. They told him he would be back. He was.
The second time into rehab at the same facility came when he was withdrawing from opiates and hitting the ground. He suffers from chronic depression and was on prozac at the time. Tjhe method was to use opaites to drive his levels up and then slowly wean him off. He sai prior to being admitted he lay in bed all day and cry. His wife was so tired of the ordeal that she appeared to not care (his words) and he said she never called or visited him in rehab. He left rehab after the run and stayed clean 2 yrs+.
He divorced and met an online GF who lived in detroit. He lives in the extreme south. The met once, but she wanted him to leave his 14 yr old daughter and ex wife and family behind and move to detroit. Well he almost did. She is an addict as well. He was buying her fiorocet online and mailing them to her. She had lost her five children and marriage to pain pill addiction. She was living with her mother in a trailer and on welfare. She was going to move to the south to be with him but only if she could have her own bedroom. He realized this was a high risk relationship (DUH) and broke up with her.
Along comes me. I have my own two teenage children, divorced after a 20 yr marriage and not an addict. I own my own business and was single.
He told me about rehab and he was clean when in fact he began to use at the beginning of our relationship. I believe he claimed the trigger was his recent divorce and loss of two cats his ex put to sleep when she left him. His daughter went to live with her mother after originally wanting to stay with him.
We fought a lot because his moods were unstable and he would act oddly yet at particular times of the day like diurnal variation. He suffered from low self esteem yet found esteem in me - I felt like he loved me yet sort of though he liked me to show off. I am attractive and self confident and can talk to anyone. He is the opposite, yet I he IS handsome.
He put me through a lot of difficulties. He is in a band and had a myspace page where he would attract a lot of gorgeous female groupies that would engage him in overt flirtation: offering to come to his state and shack up with him even though he was with me.
He waited two months into the relationship before telling me he has an 18 yr old son not from his wife...oddly enough he didnt even know his proper age which was actually 21, well before his marriage. He claims to have paid child support but it turns out his MOTHER paid child support for the boy. He never had contact with this child except for two phone calls and showed no interest in him whatsoever. As a parent, I cannot grasp that idea.
Our sex life was dismal. He had major intestinal hemmeroids which cause him to bleed and need a transfusion prior to the end of his marriage. He never got them fixed because he felt no one care about him.
When I realized the addiction caused constipation and hemroids, I saw the link to the anemia. He was getting drugs for the pain and stuck to that plan rather than getting them fixed.
When we met I encouraged him to get the hemroids taken care of. He went to get an endoscopy and the physician precribed 100 darvocet. I asked why he was taking those being that he had been through rehab. He told me he could handle it and wouldnt let the pills control him. At first I believed him not knowing much about addiction.
He called me at christmas time in severe crushing depression as he withdrew from darvocet and stopped taking h is prozac. I encourgaed him to call his p doc and ask for cymbalta. He did and it worked very well.
Our sex life improved but his mood swings and irrational anger and temper tantrums increased. He claimed he was a better person on opiates. He has conflict he cant deal with - he hates conflict and cannot handle conflict resolution in a non verbally abusive manner. He has called me the C word, bi*ch a bad mother and a slut during his rages. I dont understand where the temper and rages come from.
I broke up with him when I learned he was back on darvocet. He cursed me out but he sent me roses called my best friend and promised to go to counseling with me. He never followed through. In fact, he began using again right away and this time with oxycodone.
He had been combative with me at every turn. He would buy tickets to concerts and invite a guy he knew from england, forgetting he had invited me, his fiance. He was acting out very cruelly. One time when we had broken up I dropped off his cell phone and he threw a CD at my head. I got in my car to pull away and he opened my door, grabbed my arm and yanked me out while shutting o ff my engine. He said you arent goign anywhere MISS! He pushed me into his house and onto the couch. I said I dont like to be manhandled and he said maybe I needed to be. He threw h is legs over me and told me he was trying to work this out because he loved me. Stupidly enough I stayed with him.
He claimed he used opiates again because we had broken off the engagement and h e returned the ring because I found out he had lied to me about his drug use...he cursed me out in his usual verbal rage and I ended it. He came back again but blamed me now for taking the opiates.
His family did not want him to be with anyone. They said I was the best thing to happen to him but he needed to be alone. Until I found out his family has their own addiction issues inlcluding controlling his love life and life because he is the youngest.
He was verbally abusive to me so many times and would act out because I held him accountable for his out of control behavior or hurtful ways.
He confided that he had been acting weird because he knew he was out of the 100 oxycodones and would be experiencing severe withdrawal and knew it would be bad this time because he was acting so moody. His sex drive went away. His moods were wildly swinging from one moment to the next.
I heard him talking about suicide and h ow he knew I would leave him because I had told him if he relapsed I would. He lied to me for months and then told me 3 months into it as he ran out of pills.
I reached out to his family thinking they would help him but they basically told me to walk away for a while until his rages settled down. He was screaming at me in texts and emails saying some unforgiveable things. He said I left him but I was hanging back because his family advised me to. They didnt want hi with anyone.
Well he turned to his ex junkie GF in detroit and told me he loved her and never got over her and she loved him.
He called my home to scream at me and my kids picked up the message. My 18 yr old daughter called him back instructing him to never to that aagin.
He tried to talk to me last night...had sent me tms and vms saying he missed me and was dying without me. I finally was ready to help him and felt the tough love wasnt working despite what his fanily said.
WHen I went to help him he pushed me away again saying he couldnt handle it with anyone anymore - then pulled me back saying no he didnt mean that.
I sent h im an email apologizig because things werent fixed and he called to say he was sorry none of this was my fault and we cant be together but he missed me and loved me. He said he was too embarrassed to come back to me because he badmouthed me to his family during his rages. He was too ashamed to face them and own up to it. They were supposedly on my and his side and trying to help both of us but the truth is, they werent. They wanted me gone.
Well he told me last night he was off the opiates and missed me. Hesaid I shoudlnt be with him and to not come back. I felt he found someone else. He said he wouldnt want me to be with an addictr.
Today I spoke to him via email telling him one of the pets I loved dies last night. He sent me all these things about how he blamed me and said I was jealous and impossible to work things out with. He gave me some words from his BIL and I had to tell him the info was incorrect and I tried to tell him how the myspace flirting was hurting me and would do so to any reasonable woman with a heart and in love. He sent me a mean email saying are you F------ BLIND! You DONT LOVE ME! I WAS TRYING TO WORK IT OUT WITH YOU BUT I SEE YOU WANT TO BLAME EVERYONE BUT THE PROBLEM ISNT JUST MY ADDICTION ITS YOU!
He said to go away he hated me.
My question is this: is it common for addicts to behave like this? Raging, unpredicatable, hateful....deceitful....vengeful? Hisanger and rage have caused me to become so depressed and out of sorts and alone. He has his family and now I have no one. He has support but I have no one and they all hate me for bringing h is secret into the light where it needed to be because he was suicidal. I was afraid for his life and I wasntreaching him.
Why do addicts push pull and behave so selfishly. Why do they project what it is they are doing off onto someone else as though the person they are dealing with is to blame for their addiction and behavior? Did he ever even love me?
I feel so sick and sad and lost. I am a very good person and tried so hard and yet Im not good enough for an addict?
Why do I feel so upset and hurt..according to him I am the major souce of the problem
Answer Lord have mercy.
CeCi, that was painful to read. You are a victim of drug abuse- his. Why would you subject yourself to this? You do seem like a caring and good person- surely you deserve better.
People often misunderstand drug addiction. They believe that the drugs are the major problem- however the drug use is just a sypmtom of a living problem. He obviously has MAJOR issues that he deals with (escapes from) by using drugs.
His recovery and well being is completely his responsibility in fact he's the only one that can help himself. He's knows what to do- he's been to rehab.
