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You are here: Experts > Teens > Health for Teens > Addiction to Drugs > boyfriends drug addiction
Expert: Amarnath.B
Date: 4/29/2008
Subject: boyfriends drug addiction
Question
Thank you for your response from my last question. Since the last time, my boyfriend once again did not call me for 2 days, he sent me a text message last Thursday night telling me "I hate you", this crussed me severely!! I thought at this point it was completely over!! He had been out drinking again, and taking pills, he then calls me at 4 in the morning telling me he cant believe what I am doing to him!! He tells me it is a critical time for him to be bonding with his daughter, that the baby is going to think my ex is her father instead of him and that the baby is confused (8 1/2 months old) and I am causing her and him emotional and mental errepitabal damage. I told him I would never stop him or his parents from seeing the baby, he just cant drive with her in the car. I would be more than willing to meet him somewhere so he can see her. When I finally spoke to him the following night, he told me he didnt really hate me, he was just angry. He said he has stress at work, home and the pills, to much for him to deal with at once. He told me he needs me to help him get through the next two weeks to get himself off the pills, that he cant do it without me, cause without me he just dont care!! He said once the physical part is over with he will be clear from it and that if I want to break up with him then, then fine. He just needs a friend right now to encourage him through this. He tells me if I were ever in a ditch, he would be there to help me, I told him I already was with the stuff hes putting me through and he said when he gets better he will help me if I wanted to. I just dont know what to do. I feel bad turning my back on him, but I do know he has to do this himself, I cant do it for him. Is this gonna confuse the baby-we refer to my ex as her uncle all the time, and he would never refer himself to her as her dad. He does spend time with her and the other kids when he is home to try and help me out so I can get house work done or cooking and stuff, but what am I supposed to do? I need the help sometimes with 4 kids at home and my boyfriend is obviosly un-reliable! Should I try to help support him? Although he didnt come out and say it, I think he is lookin to move back in, so the baby sees mommy and daddy together at night, and so he is there in the morning when she wakes up and stuff. I will not let him move back in-either will my ex. I feel a little bit more in control with him being at his parents. He still comes over sometimes, but acts like everything is okay. I just dont know what to do, I am so confused. I dont want to hurt the baby-whats worse keeping her from her drug addict father or having him be a part of her life? Do I be his friend and try to support him, I tried before and obviously it didnt work!! I did go to a doctor and taking anti-anxiety and depressent pills now. He dosent believe in the "physco" people I talk to cause he says they are poisoning my mind and that they are just gonna tell me to dump him when they dont even know him. Any advice once again would be greatly appreciated!!! Thank you!!!
Answer
Dear Theresa,
This is the usual personality of an addict. He/She always need a sounding board to blame or things like that for getting support. He is only using the child to get back. If you take him back, you will only be enabling him. I don't think he is making an honest effort to come clean. If he is, why does he need you? God is always there. He must get into a rehab first or atleast get himself detoxed and start attending NA/AA meetings. He has no other choice. As for yourself, please attend Alanon meetings and there you will see how people who are codependent of addicts lead their lives. There is nothing to think about right now. Once he is clean, maybe 6 months from now you can think about getting together; that is if he is clean?
God bless
Amarnath
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