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You are here: Experts > Teens > Health for Teens > Addiction to Drugs > boyfriends drug addiction
Expert: Amarnath.B
Date: 4/23/2008
Subject: boyfriends drug addiction
Question
I was unaware of my boyfriends prob untill after our daughter was born in August. He was a loritab, percocet user spending approx $400-$500 weekly. I could never understand why he never had any money, he always told me he was paying off bills. I didnt think twice cause I never had to deal with anything like this before-he sure introduced me to a whole new world!! I supported him through an out patient program that he dragged out (5months) taking suboxon to come off the tabs cause he told the counselor he was also going to quit smoking (which he lied and didnt). After he was done with the suboxon, he had sent a naked pic of me to his best friend over the cell phone which got me very upset, I told him he disrespected me and violated me by doing this when he promised it was for his eyes only! I did not speak to him for days and because of this he blames me and stress at work for starting to take the tabs again which I just recently found out. I told him he should go stay with his parents, he needs help, he needs to get into a program, and actually go to meetings like he was told to the last time. I cant do it, he has to want to do it for himself, if he cant take care of himself he will not be able to take care of me, the baby or my other 3 children. He dosent want his parents to find out. I feel our whole relationship was built on lies, this is not what I signed up for. He is still taking pills and went out bar hopin the other night, now because he said I upset him for making him stay at his parents house. He just dont seem to care, he thinks he can do this all on his own. I cant take it anymore, I cant trust him. This is not the way I thought it was going to be with him. I wish I would have realized this from the begining, it will be 2 yrs next month. Thank god for my ex husband who is good hearted enough to be taking care of me and our kids, (and the baby) including putting a roof over our heads!! He is in such denial, he tells me to give him a drug test every week to prove he is gonna be clean, this is just not the environment I wanted to be in. I feel so sick to my stomach, he comes and goes as he pleases, never know what he is doing. I love him, but cant spend the rest of my life like this!! He got really mad at me today when he asked to take the baby to visit his parents and I told him I could not let him drive with her in the car-if he wanted to I will drop her off-I told him I can not visit with his parents cause I cant lie and live in denial with him anymore and that if I were to go I would be honest with them with what is going on!! He freaked out at me, telling me I have a big mouth and that I am making more of this than what it is-that its not like hes drinking or smoking pot or somethin. I told him I was looking out for the best interest of the baby and that god forbid something happened with him driving, I was not gonna be held accountable for child neglect when I know his situation. He screamed at me that unless I want to see a side of him I have never seen before I better not play games with him (he yelled so loud he scared the baby and made her cry)!! He scared me when he threatened me cause if I was unaware of his prob the past two years-Im not sure if I should put anything past him? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!
Answer
Dear Theresa,
I think you've taken long enough to seek help. You are in an abusive relationship and it is imperative that you leave your boyfriend for sometime till he cleans himself up
By the facts you've have given me your boyfriend needs inpatient rehabilitation immediately. You should also contact NA (Narcotics Anonymous) which is a self-help group for his long term sobriety. There is no way he can come out of his addiction on his own as he is now a full-blown addict. Remember, addiction is a disease which cannot be cured but can only be arrested. Please for god's sake leave him for sometime and go back to him only when you are sure that he has cleaned up. You are only enabling him by being by his side & supporting him indirectly. He has ofcourse taken you for granted. You can also contact AlAnon (a self-help group for codependents for yourself).
Please take my advice seriously before you become neurotic and something happens to you and the kids.
Do not hesitate to ask me for any help in the future.
God bless
Amarnath
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