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About Jacqui
Expertise
Harm reduction (is it a dirty word in America??) - ie: needle and syringe programs, prevention of blood borne viruses such as HIV and hepatitis C, questions about dependency on opiates and other substances. Questions about treatment (particulary methadone and buprenorphine).
Experience
Manage a primary health service for people who inject drugs, and have worked at that centre for 6.5 years
Organizations
Registered as a provisional psychology with the Victorian Psychologists registration board (this is for psychologists working under supervision or currently studying a masters). Much of my experience is related to my work rather than to my studies
Publications
conference proceedings - IHRC 2004 & 2005, NSP Conference 2005, Stigma-Pleasure-Practice conference 2006
Education/Credentials
Bachelor of Arts (Humanities), Bachelor of Psychology with Honours,
currently studying a masters of clinical psychology, completed one half of a graduate certificate in Addiction studies (transferred to psychology as it had better career prospects) - lots and lots of short training courses.
Awards and Honors
Presented at international conferences (Harm Reduction Conference in Thailand and Melbourne)
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You are here: Experts > Teens > Health for Teens > Addiction to Drugs > Heroinaddiction
Expert: Jacqui
Date: 5/15/2008
Subject: Heroinaddiction
Question
Ive just found out that my boyfriend and father to my 2 children is taking 28ml of methadone daily, this i can sort of accept as it seems that he is trying to sort himself out, but he still doesnt admit that he was taking heroin and i also think that he may still be using. We have had a lot of problems lately because of all the lies he told me and now i dont believe a word that he says. He is still going to local heroin addicts houses but denies this (ive seen him goin ther myself). Do you think that he is worth sanding by and trying to help him and how do i do this or should i give up for the sake of my children. Also will he need to take heroin everyday as sometimes when he comes home from work he is normal and other days he seems that he has taken something but i really dont know what im looking for. Ive tried talking to him and telling him that ill support him if he is on heroin and wants to get clean but he wont admit anything. I could really do with some advice as i dont really know what im dealing with and ive got kids to think about.
Answer
Hi Emma,
I am sorry about your relationship as it does sound like there are lots of problems happening. I guess, without trying to defend someone telling lies, try to imagine what it would be like to tell the truth and for people to make terrible judgments about you. You may not necessarily do this, but I am sure that your boyfriend has had other people tell him he is a "useless junkie" or live with the fear of having children taken from you or being arrested or loosing your job or housing. This is why people don't like to tell people about their drug use.
However, it is important that a relationship is based on trust. I would ask yourself what do you want? Are you prepared to be in a relationship with a drug user? If you are not prepared to be, then you might have to consider whether you want the relationship to continue. I only say this because there are often lots of relapses when people want to stop using, so if you want to stay in the relationship, you would be prepared for this to happen.
It sounds like your boyfriend is having some difficulties, but he does need to be respectful or you and your children. If you believe that he is putting the children at risk by using drugs (ie: if he is too drug affected to look after them) then you might want to consider separating from him for a while. However, there are fewer things in life more complex than drug use and relationships! And when they are combined it is very hard to make decisions. I know that you have tried to speak to your partner, but you might want to try this again with a few things in mind:
- if you want to talk to him, arrange for a time when the kids are either in bed or elsewhere (school, with grandparents etc)
- use "I" statements. Generally, if you say you want to speak to someone, and then start saying "you are doing this, you are doing that" people tend to turn off. You might want to try "I am worried about our relationship", "I am concerned about the children". You could also ask him what he wants. If you are prepared for the ups and downs, then tell him - but only if you can be honest about it. If you don't think you can tolerate him relapsing from time to time, you may not be able to stay in the relationship.
- have an 'out'. If an argument starts, you might want to say something like "I am afraid this is turning into an argument so lets stop and come back to this later".
You might also want to consider getting some support for yourself. there are organisations that provide support to family and friends of drug users. Also some counselling may be helpful and may assist you to make a decision about what you want to do.
I hope you are able to resolve this and please remember to look after yourself. Ultimately you should be the most important person to you - and your boyfriend is ultimately responsible for his own actions.
Stay safe,
Jacqui
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