Expert: Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist - 7/8/2008

Question
QUESTION: I lived with a recovering addict for almost two years I have two daughters with him and he states that he's been clean for almost 2 years.  This is why I;am emailing you me and my little girls it was as though we were in prison and he was living with me.  He would have this rage where he was verbally abusive with myself and our daughters and there ages are  10 and 11 playing all the wrong kind of music in front of them.  He would have this rage where he would curse you out then act like nothing happened the next day.  He works at a nursing home where he passes out med and he stealing meds too.  I believe he is self medicating himself but just not with crack.  I have ran my course with him this week he elevated from verbal abuse to hitting me I called the Police and they asked me what did I want them to do and I said that I wanted them to put him out of my home and they did He busted my lip and choked me that night.  Now he stopped going to NA meetings I think that he thinks he better than the people in there now.  I believe that I cant say what he's on I never did drugs but I do think that he needs someone whose like him and just maybe they can understand each other.  My question to you is when you are recovering do you call the person you live with names and just oh it was horrible for me and my children.  Do you threaghten them all the time and then act as though didn't do anything the next day he has high's and lows.  I don't ever want to see him again and I don't want him around our children he's always bringing up the pass and fighting over it he takes no reasonability for anything and always blames the person hes around is this what recovering addicts go through?

ANSWER: Dear caria,

You did well by getting this man out of your system. Drug addiction is difficult to treat, mainly because most drug rehab centers have a poor understanding what causes people to become addicted to drugs. It is physical disease that affects the mind and make them totally irrational.

Most drug addicts are found to be hypoglycemic. This is an illness with a small chance of being passed on from generation b to generation. So make sure that when your daughters grow up, that they consume only small amounts of sugar. When you see signs of sugar addiction or emergence of allergies, this is a sign that you have to take action.

Please read:

Drug Addiction is a Nutritional Disorder at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/drug_addictions_nutritional_disorder.htm

Alcoholism (Addiction) is a Treatable Disease at:
http://curezone.com/upload/PDF/Articles/jurplesman/alcoholism_treatable.pdf

_______________________________________________
Jurriaan Plesman
Editor of
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.
www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
Author of "Getting off the Hook"
Freely available at Google Book Search
Skype: jurplesman


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for your answer but is that what crack cocaine addicts do.  Do they find fault in everything tht you do to make themselves feel better.  Do they want everything that you have and if you sont give this to them tey respond very angry towards everyone like woman not ment was what he did to me and my girls now my children are having nightmares scared that he is going to come back and hurt us.  My oldest child has ADHD she is 11 but so loving to me and I will fight for her he on the other hand is ashamed of her our other daughteris in the gifted program and he likes to ccompete with her all the time.  this time I just got tired and said this is so not worth it I have never did drugs and this I no longer want and I know now that I cant help him and couldnt love us if he did he would have never treated us like he did right?

ANSWER: Hi caria, I quite understand that you are hurt. Drug addicts are destroyers of relationships, because they are unhappy themselves. I do try to help drug addicts, but if they don't want to, there is nothing we can do. The best is start a new life the best way you can.

Hope you will be alright.

Cheers Jur

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi my question was is that how recovering addicts act blaming others and always looking at what everybody has.  This man would start verbal fights with me in front of our daughters for no reason and the next day acting like nothing happened.  He stopped going to the NA meetings.  His verbal abuse moved into physical abuse and I asked him to leave after hitting me infront of our children.  I'm not looking to take him back or nothing I'm just trying to make since of this and why my question to you is when you are recovering from crack cocaine do you blow up all the time and then when you come down act like nothing has happened.  Dose recovery cause the person in recovery to want everything that you have even your money and they keep there's never giving but taking and making false promises.  My little girls ask me questions and I have no answers for them because I don't know what to say.  When he live with us he never spent time with them one on one He always wanted me and him to be by ourselves but it wasn't nice time it was as though he wanted me away from his children.  When he hit me had it not been for my 10 year old daughter jumping in front of him he would have hurt me really bad she took lick for me I was trying to move her out of the way but she wouldn't leave me.  I feel so bad because I kept us in this relationship for the sake of being a family and subjecting all my children to this abuse I don't know what to say to them but that I'm sorry and forgive me I also asked God to forgive me I'm a social worker and the truth hit me when I was at an abuse training and I saw what I was going through our power point and it made me tear up after that meeting I decided that he had to go and it was the next day that he hit me he never knew that I was at a training.  I'm just trying to make since of this whole thing and say to my children is was nothing that you did we tried our best and it was not enough for him.  The police moved him out of my house now his telling everyone that he left me and making up allot of things I feel to make himself feel better.  I wish I could move away.  You go to work everyday and no one knows what you go through in your private life.  its as though a weight has been lifted off of my apartment.  But it don't stop the night mares that my youngest daughter is having.  Help me understand a recovering crack cocaine addict.  I hope to never meet another recovering addict but I work in a field that brings me intouch with allot of people and I want to be able to help other woman going through what I have gone through.  I still say a recovering addict needs someone whose in recovery with him not a sober person the highs and lows are awful for the person not in recovery and advice you give will help I saw a lot of things and I cant say that I didnt see this coming is this behavior the way a recovering cocaine addict acts while in recovery its llike something is wrong with his brain even though he works he still wants your money.  PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!

Answer
No not all addicts behave like your husband, but some do. When you are a drug addict you have no control over your emotions nor are they rational. Some drug-addicts crawl into a corner, or steal from money people, some rape, some others are violent and some commit murders. When it comes to violence stay away from them.

Most addicts produce excess adrenaline - the fight/flight hormone - over which they have no control. This is because of underlying biochemical illness, over which you or he has no control. It has nothing to do with you, just as a husband who has a heart attack or arthritis or a broken leg, cannot blame it on the wife. You are a victim of drug addiction by proxy, not its cause!!!! Your husband apparently reacts by fighting, instead of fleeing. The point is so long they have a metabolic disorder - that usually comes to the surface wane they withdraw from drugs - there is no way you can deal with the problem by arguing rationally with them, because they are irrational and out of control. It can only be resolved if they get treatment for the biological illness.

It seems to me that you somehow blame yourself for your husband being seriously mentally ill. This is perhaps how your husband thinks. He may blame you for his emotional disorder, as most addicts do. Don't think like your husband. They always believe it somebody else's fault!!. You may think, because you are social worker, you should somehow have been able to help him. YOU CANNOT, ONLY HE CAN HELP HIMSELF. Stop feeling guilty and start a new life.

Start reading my book - Getting off the Hook and available freely on the internet, starting at page 36. It may help you regain confidence in  yourself as a person.
_______________________________________________
Jurriaan Plesman
Editor of
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.
www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
Author of "Getting off the Hook"
Freely available at Google Book Search
Skype: jurplesman