AboutDaniel A. Toth Expertise Any questions related to:
drug abuse,recovery and
opiate withdrawal.
Friends and family questions are also welcomed- however there's very little I can suggest if the person has no willingness to change.I will only answer NON- PRIVATE questions as my objective is to help as many people as possible- use a fake name.
PLEASE DO NOT SUBMIT QUESTIONS REGARDING DRUG TESTS OR HOW LONG YOUR DOPE WILL STAY IN YOUR SYSTEM! My energy is directed at those wishing to stop self destructing.
Experience Fourteen years active addiction;Eleven years to cocaine and heroin. I've used every drug I've known about except PCP
Any comments are from personal experiance, and do not necesarily reflect any programs.
SEE UPDATE AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS STORY!
This was for an article in a teen magazine hence the youth perspective:
I was a good kid. A diligent student with a 3.5 GPA through 9th grade. Now I was somewhat shy and didn't have a lot of friends. I discovered that by smoking weed I had instant friends. It was great at the time. All of a sudden I knew all these people, was getting invited to parties- hanging out after school getting high. Pretty soon getting high at lunch and even before school and then ditching school all together. In the beginning it was the social activity, not the "high" that was the major attraction. I just knew I would stop smoking it soon, perhaps after I got a cool girlfriend. Well then I started really enjoying the high- Having a bad day? Forget about in and get stoned. The parents getting on my case? Forget about it and get stoned. This girl I really like doesn't know I exist, better just get stoned. I found a way to great way to cope with all my problems. Well my grades started dropping, my hobbies such as all ocean activities and sports where only done high and then slowly not at all. Nothing was "cool" or important except getting high. With or without my friends. Then I was introduced to Meth or "crystal" Would I have considered it if not for my weed habit? Of course not. Plus I am just going to try it this one time. Wow! Now I could easily talk to girls. In fact I could talk and talk for hours to anyone about anything. And you know I'm one cool, smooth dude. Man I feel good. Then after it wore off I would struggle with depression and smoke a lot of weed until I got more meth. Now high school was over. I had no ambition for college but I did work in the family business. I still could hold a job with these habits. Now a friend tells me about this drug (heroin) that is just like pot except there’s no "burn out" He doesn't address it as heroin but a harmless sounding slang name. I observe him and his friends smoking this brown powder for months. They seem to be having a good time. They don't die. In fact there having more fun than I am. I wanted to try it. Just once, too see what it feels like. I would never try it again. Again it was the new friends at first and then the drug that became the major attraction. But it was o.k. because I'm going to never smoke it again after this next time. Oops, I did it again. O.K. but next week I'm going to quit for sure! Now the heroin made me feel nice, but the cocaine smoking was awesome. Plus no crash because I'll just smoke a little heroin. Before too long I was injecting a cocaine and heroin solution (speedball) into my veins as often as I could. Working did not accommodate my lifestyle. How could I work anyway in heroin withdrawal? I had to get some dope! Let’s see, my family has disowned me, I've sold everything I ever had. I've robbed every friend or family member than I had contact with. What am I going to do? Some how I got my fix every day. Not once but three or four times average. But it was still o.k. because I'm going to quit, maybe even tomorrow after I get high. I went for years thinking this way. I've been arrested many times. I even admitted myself many times to detox to get over the addiction but found myself planning my next high before I even left. I just couldn't cope with life. I didn't know how. But that won't matter, as soon as I get my fix everything will be alright. And it was..., for a little while. At this point I had long stopped kidding myself. I knew I was a hopeless addict. In fact three of my close friends overdosed and died. Another got sent to prison for years, and none of these guys did anything I didn't do. I knew I was on a dead end course to jails, institutions or death. I would put myself into one recovery home after another only to leave to get high. Why? I wasn't ready to admit I was completely powerless over my addiction and my life had become unmanageable. Only after I completely surrendered was I ready to listen to suggestions from the wonderful people in Narcotics Anonymous. (twelve step program) Today I enjoy many blessings of recovery. I have a wonderful family that loves and trusts me. I work every day, pay bills, support myself and even help others where I can. I love to travel and do as I can afford to. I still have problems but today I don't escape with artificial substances. I have learned coping skills, and realize that life isn't always wonderful but it could be a heck of a lot worse. I don't want to wake up one day an old man, and wonder what I could have been. I'm going to find out! You see, I'm one of the lucky ones and am extremely grateful for that. UPDATE 5/24/2005: Relapsed with painkillers about one year ago, and have been struggling since. I have about 30 days clean as of today 5/24. It's no big mystery/shocker. I stopped doing what I needed to do (program) and made a stupid decision. A couple vicodins woke up the dragon. I'll be ok if I do what I did to get the five yrs. Good luck to all of us! 2/14/06 Doing really well today (one day at a time). I also went through and am still very much going through the most difficult thing I ever have without using any drugs. Not hiding from emotional pain today by artificial means but rather accepting my emotions as natural and moving forward. I'm focusing today on not denying my emotions but acting constructively despite. I realize today that any artificial numbing may help in escaping short term pain but then complete facilitate suffering. Today I recognize my self destructive habits.
Question Hello,
I want to thank you in advance for providing this service, and fortaking the time out of your busy schedule to help me with my question.
I want to stress that I am serious and committed to quitting lortabs. I have dome some of my own research, but I wanted a professional opinion.
I was injured in an assault by multiple attackers two years ago. I was leaving work and got beat up pretty bad. I was attacked, lifted off the ground, and slammed back of the head first onto the parking lot(concrete). I was then unconscious and was lifted up agai, and the head slam was repeated. I was kicked, punched, and strangled while uncoscious. I dont know what happened really(witness testimonies is what I know) and I woke up in the hospital. I was treated, stayed for a few days, and placed on lortab painkillers for 3 months. Overtime I got well(still have the severe headaches, but neurologist says that could be for life). I did stop the lortabs, but developed a strong liking for them. I quit them however. Unfortunately 6 months ago I tried them again(without prescription) and did one here and there. Just before the start of summer(2008) I was taking 2-3 of 10mg lortab a day. I have been doing so for the last 3-4 months. I know I want to stop, and have the willpower to do that. However, I am scared to death of the withdrawals. I can feel it kicking in(headaches, strong anxiety, insomnia, fatigue/trouble getting out of bed once I fall asleep, and depression. I normally take 20mg Lexapro but have not taken it correctly in the same time(all summer). Im always paranoid to take it when Ive taken lortab, so end up going days without the Lexapro. I honestly believe Im not at the point of needing rehab/inpatient, nor could I afford it. I want to quit and will quit, I just would like to know what to expect from the withdrawals and for how long I will have them(since Ive taken approx. 20-30mg lortab a day for 3 months). I am sincere and ready to stop, and have tried, but then I start feeling sick, anxious, and end up taking one. I tried to ween myself off by taking 10% less everyday, but I end up cheating myself on that too. So I cut out all my connections and have promised myself, and asked God for help in not illegally purchasing them. I can do this. My question is really how long am I going to be sick and what is coming. Will I be able to work? Do I need to avoid family/friends(to avoid saying the wrong things or looking like I am a having withdrawals)? Is there anything I can do to help lighten the withdrawals?
I definitely will put any advice to work in this problem. Ive done alot of research online, and it seems like my usage isnt at a high level. However, I am concerned about how I treat my family, friends, employers, etc. while I go through this. My mother recently lost her mother this year, and is very fragile and upset obviously. I cannot put this stress on them, and allow them to worry about this. I love them very much, much more than myself, and just want to beat this without alot of collateral damage. I dont think Im an out of control drug addict, but I know I am approaching it, and I definitely am a substance abuser. I will admit that I have an addiction, at whatever level, to lortabs though.
Im sorry this letter is so long and detailed. I would greatly appreciatte your advice and knowledge on this situation I have gotten myself into.
Thank you.
Brad
Answer Hello Brad,
Good for you. You're really going to do it! Won't be easy but it may be the most important thing you've done for yourself.
You're right- you are not at a high addiction level. What a perfect time to stop. Everyone goes through the WD process differently. Maintaining the right attitude is essential. Tell yourself the uncomfortable misery is a good thing. It's a sign you're are ridding your body of a toxic poison. Tell yourself you never have to go through this again.
I have a lot of experience with WD. My easiest kicks were spent at facilities where I was around a lot of people. Thing is when I'm home alone withdrawing, I tend to focus on myself and the result often is depression. When my attention is elsewhere and often on people with far worse problems it just doesn't seem so bad. I did successfully WD at home and around friends and family I didn't want to confide in. I simply told them I had was sick. Some folks work right through WD others wouldn't dream of it. I would sometimes start my kick on a Friday (working) and then return to work monday. At your level of addiction this will be unpleasant but completely possible. Most likely you will start feeling a lot better by the end of the fourth day.
You can totally do this.
I would get a copy of the SMART recovery handbook. Some excellent suggestions in there for someone like you. Find it online. You may wish to join the online support group as well. I strongly suggest you develop a structured recovery program complete with relapse prevention tools. The SMART program has excellent ideas.
