Expert: Crystal - 8/6/2008

Question
my boyfriend of 5 years and the father to my children recently confessed that he is addicted to heroin.  I knew that something was going on, but I never in my widest dreams thought this was the case. He would hide his check stubs, stay gone for hours, but only on payday and maybe one or two days afterwards and by the end of the week, he was asking me to buy him cigarettes. I had decided that I would try to help him, so I went through withdrawals with him. I even took him to the hospital because he was in so much pain. I though that was the end of his drug use, at least I hoped it was. For a week at the most, we did fine.  We had started doing the things we used to do, taking the kids out and going out to eat. I tried to shelter him from the outsiders, thinking that woulld keep him from the drugs, but all of a sudden, he wanted to start back socializing with the persons with whom he did his drugs with. I knew what the outcome was going to be. So I did some research on the drug to find the the side effects and other info so that I knew what to look for. He came home one night high, lying saying that he was tired. In the middle of sweeping, he started to nod off. That clarified for me that he was high and not only did it hurt me, but it made me MAD. The next day, he left to go somewhere, most likely to get high and i packed all his clothes and I sat them and a letter outside my door for him because I had to go to work. The letter stated that me and the kids would have nothing to do with him until he was ready to get some help. He is use to me eating my words, becuase of course, I love him. This time, I am not going to be the one eating the words. I am trying to do something with my life and drug addiction has no place in it. As long as he is reaching out for help, I will help him, but if he chooses to continue to lead this lifestyle, his lost because me and the kids are GONE!!!. Do u think the decision i made and the letter i wrote will help him to hit his rock bottom and want to get help?? Is it hard to kick heroin and easy to relapse?? To me, it's all a mind thing. Yes you can be enticed by someone to try something, but you are the one to make the final decision. I don't believe in peer pressure, because one is supposed to be strong enough to withstand temptation. If you do something its because you choose to, you always have the right to say NO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer
Saudia,

Yes detoxing off of heroin can be very hard. Relapse can also be a part of the cycle because the body takes time to recondition itself. When an individual takes narcotics like heroin it changes the body chemistry in the brain and over time it becomes more difficult to reach the same high and requires more. It has nothing to do with peer pressure at this stage in the game for him because if he has been doing it for any length of time then he is doing it now to avoid the feelings and affects that come with the detox. He needs to go to rehab and get some help. Detox off narcotics can be very dangerous and is almost impossible to determine because everyone is different and each person's body responds differently.  
You have to do what is best for your children because they have to come first and then you and then him. What you decide to do and how you decide to do it has to be based on what you want in the long run and just remember that. Take care of your family and look at the future and where you want to be and where you want your babies to be in ten years from now.
I hope this helps.