Expert: Jacqui - 8/22/2008

Question
QUESTION: for the last3 year i had been in to recovery from heroin, still i am having mood swings and various other problems, how long it will take me for total recovery or is it ever gonna be possible to live a normal life for me?

ANSWER: Hi Adam,

I am thinking that, by now, your mood swings are nothing to do with heroin.  People use drugs for many reasons - because they want to feel good, because they want to have a good time, because they want to stay up late, because they are in pain, because they are depressed, because they are rich rock stars and it is in keeping with their image!

Anyway, of course you can live a normal life!  My believe is that drug users are judged unfairly, because people equate drugs with the worst possible stereotype.  As I just said in another answer, I manage a health service and I know that some of my staff use drugs (including heroin) but as long as it doesn't interfere with their work and they don't use immediately before or during work, and they don't use with clients then I couldn't care less!  In fact I heard a story the other day which was about a group of laborers working for a builder.  There were twenty of them and over time, there was less and less work.  At the end there was only enough work for two people so the builder decided to pick the two best workers.  Coincidently, these two workers bumped into each other ... at the clinic picking up their methadone!  They were the only two guys who were heroin users (both were still using occasionally) but they were the best workers on site!  However, you don't generally hear these stories, because drug users only come to the attention of non-drug users when they are fucked up.  

So, what I am saying is - of course you can live a normal life!  I must say that withdrawals from heroin are awful, but they are generally over within a month.  I guess I want consider a few possibilities:
- did you suffer "mood swings" before you started using?
- are you on any medication?
- are you punishing yourself for your past? (Remember the probably next president used to use "hard" drugs too ... and he is likely to be the "leader of the free world"!)
- are there other things going on in your life?

I would suggest that you speak to a trusted medical practitioner or seek out a counsellor.  Everyone has problems ... everyone!  It is not impossible to get over depression but it can take a bit of work.

What I am curious about though is your "various other problems".  Perhaps I could be of more help if I knew more??

Anyway, stop punishing yourself.  You are not a bad person!  You probably just need to speak to someone about your low mood.  If, however it is more serious than that, send me another message and I will consider your situation further.

Take care, and whatever you are doing, do it safely,

Jacqui

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: well i had been clean and sober for 3 years, right now working with an a local NGO, consisting of recovering addicts we are trying to help out other who are still in the grip of addiction, and I'm kindda managing the place, but often I found lost of interest, but the very next day might very charged up, and also i got a life partner without any apparent reason i get fed up with her too. sometimes i find difficult to sleep or rest, and often found myself frustrated, my point is could it be related to the the 18 years I spend in addiction.

Answer
Hey Adam,

From the additional information I do believe that your situation is probably related to a number of things, rather than just your past drug use.  I would suggest that you speak to a mental practitioner and see if you can be referred to a clinical psychologist or psychiatrist who provides counselling.  It is not unusual for people to go through periods of mood swings, and it may be that you are are a place in your life where you are wondering what life is all about.  It is difficult for people who have used to work in the "addiction" field as you are just surrounded with the topic of drugs all the time, and seeing people with big problems can make you feel bad about things you might have done in the past.  Also, as someone who works in the same field, it can sometimes be difficult to hear people who have never used drugs saying things like "drug addicts always lie" or "drug addicts will steal your stuff" or "drug addicts are scumbags" because they are kind of saying that 'you used to be a scum bag'.  And it is never very nice to hear this stuff.

The other consideration is that you are suffering from a mental health problem.  The rapid nature of your mood swings makes me think it is unlikely that you are suffering from bi-polar disorder (used to be called manic depression) but there are other less dramatic problems that can cause mood swings.  To get to the bottom of this you would need to speak to someone and be formally assessed.

What I have sometimes seen is that, after people stop using for a period of time, they begin to question everything and wonder whether their whole life has been a waste of time (I never think anyone's life is a waste of time, but when we are bombarded with horrible negative images of drug users, it is easy to understand why someone might think their life has been a waste of time).  You sound like someone who is intelligent and caring and has a lot of offer, however you might benefit from some counselling.  This can just help you to develop strategies to deal with negative feelings.  

Basically, I would advocate that you engage with a counsellor who is not going to judge you!

Take care, and let me know if there is anything else I can do to help.

Stay safe,

Jacqui