Expert: Jacqui - 2/6/2009

Question
QUESTION: Dear Jacqui,
I hope you had a good vacation. I tried to run from my problems and go to a guys place that was out of the city and where it is much harder to get anything. And the split second I got home I relapsed for 3 days. so that didn't work either. but i was sober 4 at least 10 days though.  I cannot keep doing this to myself. It has taken over my whole life. I do not know what to do when I am NOT getting high and without fail, boredom leads me right back to crack. What do you suggest I do? I am currently 4 days sober. And I really realize that some people CAN use with SOME control, I AM NOT ONE OF THEM.l Crack has taken me over at the core of my very soul. And I am NOT joking. you are lucky to be able to use every now and then. I, however, CANNOT. I just do not stop until their is no more money AT ALL or till I pass out!!!! So I am CONVINCED this iWILL kill me.
HELP!!!

ANSWER: Hi Natasha,

I am concerned about you and think that it might be a good idea for you to go to a safe place.  Is it an option to go to a drug rehab?  Is there any possibility that your family would be able to provide some financial support for this?  I have had a look for some support options - maybe it would help for you to get in touch with one of these agencies (below):

Addington Addiction Treatment Centre inc. 4781 Van Horne Montréal, QC H3W 1J1
Telephone: (514) 483-3869; 1 (877) 483-3869 Fax: (514) 485-9344 Email: addington_house@yahoo.com
http://www.addingtonhouse.com

Access Harmony 524, rue Principal Eastman, QC J0E 1P0
Telephone: 450-297-0207; 1-866-570-8370 Fax: 450-297-0207 Email: info@accessharmony

There were a couple of other places but all of the writing was in French I wasn't sure if that would be any use to you!  

Natasha it is really important that you stay strong.  Yes, you might be the sort of person who gives up and never uses again.  Some people just can't keep using a bit.  One organisation that use that kind of approach is AA and NA.  Their website that has the Monteal listings is http://www.basicmeeting.org/  This would give you the opportunity to link in with other people who are committed to sobriety as well.  

Let me know how you go.

Best of luck,
Jacqui




---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Dearest Jacqui,
I had another horrible relapse and nearly lost everything with this one. I lost one of my best friends who is tired of watching me destroy myself quit and start again quit and blah blah blah. He does not speak to me anymore and yet |I miss him so much. He was the one person who knew ALL that was going on. |Now he is fed up and I do not know who to turn to. I am again 5 days straight and this time I really hope that I stay that way. I know that I always say that, but i swear I always mean it. I wish you lived in Montreal. I would have someone to see and somewhat guide me on how to do this. Oh, I was arrested for Prostitution again last Sunday. Another day another court date and a hefty fine (1000$) just for doing that. Like that's going to help me stop!!! How do they think I am going to PAY that fine??? Anyhow, if you have any advice or some words of encouragement anything to make this transition into sobriety a little less confusing and hard. Please answer fast.

Thnx 4 everything Jacqui. At least I have YOU.

Love, Natasha.
PS U make a difference!!

ANSWER: Hey Natasha,

I was wondering how you were going!!!  I think it is pretty rotten that you were arrested for prostitution.  I know I always go on about the Australian system, but we have some specialised courts here and instead of being fined, sex workers are referred off for treatment and other assistance like dental services etc.  

Are you linked in with any services?  I just get the feeling that you are really alone with your drug use, and even if you had people to talk to - in the same country!! ;-) - who had also been through the same experience, well you might not feel so bad about yourself.  You really have such low self-esteem and it does worry me that you are alone.

I think it would be good that you congratulate yourself on those five days.  I know you are probably just telling yourself you are going to relapse and it will all happen over again, but those five days were an achievement.  Tell me what was happening on those five days that you held it together - and is there anything that you could take note of and try to continue?  Focusing on your successes instead of your failures can help you through the difficult stuff.  

I also wonder whether you have any other activities that don't revolve around using.  What do you do with your days when you aren't using.  Is there something that gives you some happiness, even if it is fleeting, perhaps we could capitalise on that.  

Well I have just got into work (it is 10am here - as we are a drug service, we don't start too early!!)  I don't know what time it is in Montreal, but I will be here until about 6pm (I just checked on the internet and 6pm in Australia is 2am in Monteal!).  If you feel tempted, why don't you sit down and write a bunch of things that make you happy that aren't related to drugs and then send them to me.

Finally, please make sure you are careful when you are working and using.  There used to be a health promotion campaign in Australia that said "if it is not on, it is NOT ON!" - meaning if the condom wasn't on, there wasn't any sex!  Remember that one!

Hope to hear from you soon,

Jacqui

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Dearest Jacqui.
I was thinking and one of the main reasons that i relapse is BOREDOM. When I am not smoking crack, I have not a clue what to do with myself!!! So that can last for a few days than the boredom I mentioned gets the better of me and off i go back to the world I know best. And where time goes by TOO FAST. and then I spend ALL my money and then i get arrested (not often) and I stay straight for a time and then back to the drawing board. Get it? Now as for the things I like doing, I DO NOT KNOW. I have been running after crack for as long as I can recall. Any suggestions on what I MIGHT TRY to do to stay straight? (going on day 6 by the way)I so much want OFF THIS SHIT. I regret it so much after the fact. and it stopped being fun long ago. Now I get instant paranoia and I freak out and do very strange things like shave my head, per say.(just one example) And every time I use again I swear up and down it won't ever happen and that this time I will stay normal and I NEVER DO!!! So that is very frustrating and I always feel so lame and yet I keep smoking until I have wiped my bank account and sometimes other people's accounts too!!! So that's how it happens

anything you can say to help? Pleeez

Answer
Wow six days - that is great!

Tell me what you used to like doing.  I know it might seem like a long time ago, but did you ever do any activities that aren't related to drugs, that you enjoyed?  Did you paint, go to the beach (probably not an option right now in Montreal - although it is going to be 110 degrees here tomorrow!), hang out with friends, go for walks, play table tennis, write poetry, go skydiving?  Some research that was released recently in Australia found that people who are dependent on drugs often loose enjoyment in other pleasurable activites - however this can change and you can get this enjoyment back.  

One simple little strategy is to DELAY!  If you feel like using, put it off.  Keep putting it off as long as you can!  The other thing I think might be helpful is learning some meditation and relaxation.  

I do think though, that any of this stuff is really hard on your own?  Did you call any of the places I suggested?  Other options might not even be directly drug related ... you could try linking into a women's support group - there are often places like these in community centres and you can just sit and drink coffee or tea with other women - and sometimes they arrange things like art therapy.  Would you give something like this a try?  You hit the nail on the head when you mentioned boredom - it is the worst thing if you are trying not to use - so you need to keep yourself occupied!  

Let me know what you think.

Jacqui