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About Peter L.
Expertise
I am available to answer any questions about substance use, abuse, and dependence. I can also offer perspective on treatment options and how to motivate someone to get help. I have over 25 years of experience as a substance abuse treatment professional, working with adolescents and adults in a variety of treatment settings. I feel I can answer just about any question in this topic area but can also access reference sources, or direct you to these for additional information gathering or education on your own.

Experience
I am a professional addictions counselor working in a very highly respected treatment center, as well as having a private practice in two states.

Education/Credentials
Masters Degree in Behavioral Science Licensed Alcohol and Drug Abuse Counselor in Massachusetts, Vermont, and New Hampshire. Also an Internationally Certified Alcohol and Drug Abuse Counselor

You are here: Experts > Teens > Health for Teens > Addiction to Drugs > crack addiction

Addiction to Drugs - crack addiction

Expert: Peter L. - 10/17/2009

Question
Hi. My boyfriend is a crack user. We have been together for 3 years and we both are members of NA. He stopped going to meetings around May and is regularly using crack again on weekends?? (who knows).
I have been strongly suggested to move out immediately. "He will get you using before he gets you clean" I completely understand that!
I love living where we live. My children love living where we live. (school, friends) And I truly love this man!
After another run he came home saying he needed help. If he will go to rehab should I definately still move out. Should I call NA family and have them talk to him too.
After typing this I see how ridiculous my thinking is. He knows what to do. I know what I need to do. My childrens life and my life are going to be turned upside down with a move.
Any thoughts you have I would sincerely appreciate.
Thank you,
Stephanie

Answer
Hi Stephanie,

As you can see, being in recovery together can be a good thing, but presents some challenges. If your boyfriend remained substance free, you would go
on supporting each other each day to stay abstinent. A full-time support system, you might say, when things are going well.

When two recovering people are together in a relationship, and one relapses, there has to be some action plan or usually things will reach a crisis
rather quickly. If his attitude is eventually defensive and he avoids talk about treatment or NA, or makes promises he doesn't keep, you may have to protect your children and your sobriety by considering moving out. If he says he needs help, and you sense he really means it, steer him to treatment and see if he goes. There can't be any excuses on his part. Nothing is more
important in his life now than his abstinence, and getting back on the recovery path.

It's a matter of what you prioritize. This man around your children while using is a risk. You yourself could relapse as a result of the stress and friction, especially
as he moves back into "addict behavior" and lies, manipulates, or steals. Your love for him may be effective in making an appeal to him that he reconsider
treatment. By all means try it, but be mindful of the need for an alternate plan if he fails to deliver.

You say your children's and your life will be turned upside down with a move. That might be nothing compared to the trouble your boyfriend could cause if his
use gets more severe and longer term.

I hope this helps, and definitely let others know what you are doing about this and how you are going about it. You need support.

Best,
Peter

Question:
Hi. My boyfriend is a crack user. We have been together for 3 years and we both are
members of NA. He stopped going to meetings around May and is regularly using crack
again on weekends?? (who knows).
I have been strongly suggested to move out immediately. "He will get you using
before he gets you clean" I completely understand that!
I love living where we live. My children love living where we live. (school, friends)
And I truly love this man!
After another run he came home saying he needed help. If he will go to rehab should I
definately still move out. Should I call NA family and have them talk to him too.
After typing this I see how ridiculous my thinking is. He knows what to do. I know
what I need to do. My childrens life and my life are going to be turned upside down with
a move.
Any thoughts you have I would sincerely appreciate.
Thank you,
Stephanie

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