Expert: Charles I. - 10/11/2009

Question
Hi Charles, my question is focused on my drug use I was addicted to crack, I stayed clean for 4 1/2 years, 2 years, and recently i have only been able to stay clean for three months at a time. My wife has moved out because of my addiction, but we were trying to work it out, but i relapsed again, so now I belive my marriage may be over. I make meetings, have a sponsor and a good network, what do you think my problem is, I am starting to think that something may be serious wrong with me mentally and i am very concern and afraid. i have custody of my two children from a previous marriage, my sons are 16 and 17 teen years old and i believe i am having a negative effect on their lives with my wife moving out and my latest relapses. I am 46years old, a college student with a grade point average of 3.5, my major is psychology, and i have already registered for graduate school, so i am dumbfounded about my addiction to crack. My wife tells me i will always be addicted and use but i do not see it that way and i am not in denial. i am going to work a better program in my recovery but i would like to know based on your experience is a person who who uses crack cocaine almost every three months capable of causing brain damage to themselves. The 114 days clean i had was the most i had in years so i am encouraged that it is possible for me to stay clean consistently. I do not know how my marriage is going to work out after this last relapse, but i truly understand my wife feelings of lost, untrustworthy, and anger towards me. i try to tell her that when i relapse it has nothing to do if i love her or not, which she thinks it does, she is not open to counseling or therapy, i know my drug use has pushed her away further, but there might be a sliver of hope in our marriage today, thank god. i have been smoking crack off and on for maybe twenty years, so i am very concern about the mental aspects and effects off crack on my brain. i am also in therapy. Thank you for your time.

Answer
Hi Kim,

Thanks for your question. Cocaine/crack generally doesn't have a permanent effect on the brain. It can take up to a year for the brain chemistry to be restored to normal levels which often explains mood related issues that the recovering addict may have.
Your situation is a great example of how unprejudiced addiction is. Obviously you are a smart, well-educated man who, from what you wrote, sounds as if you genuinely want recovery. Despite all that you still struggle with your recovery.
You mention that you see a therapist, is this therapist familiar with addiction and recovery? If they are, they should be able to help you with the cognitive and behavioral changes that have to occur to help facilitate long-term recovery. Cocaine, while it does have some physically addictive qualities, is primarily psychologically addictive. Unless we address what's going on between our ears, it is going to be difficult to get a handle on it. Speak with your therapist about helping you to develop those cognitive and behavioral changes.
You also mention that you have a sponsor and a good network. Why didn't you call any of them before you actually used? The phone numbers and sponsor are no good if you don't actually use them. Remember, relapse occurs when we first start thinking about using...not when we actually use the substance. There are many steps that have to occur before we can actually pick up and use and we can interrupt the relapse long before we actually use.
I don't believe that an addict can't ever live a drug-free life...but it takes work everyday of your life for the rest of your life. You cannot ever become complacent...when you do relapse isn't too far away. If you haven't already, I would strongly advise you to start working all twelve-steps with your sponsor...any good sponsor is going to demand that. If you have already worked the steps, then you may consider working them all again. I have known many people who have worked the steps two, three, or more times. As far as your marriage is concerned...I honestly don't know what is going to happen. If your wife is not favorable to counseling or therapy...have you tried to get her to go to an Al-anon meeting if there are any in your area. She appears to not be too familiar with addiction and recovery...it may be the thing to help get her on board. On the other hand, maybe she is just passed it all...and she may not be willing to try anymore. Remember that while your addiction is an emotional roller-coaster for you...it really is for her as well...and there really isn't anything she can do, she is just along for the ride.
Why do you keep relapsing every three months or so...from the small bit of info you gave me, it would be impossible to tell you. That is something that you need to process with your therapist and sponsor...probably more so your sponsor. If your therapist isn't skilled in addiction and recovery, you may actually consider finding a therapist who is. I'm not saying your therapist is bad...but your addiction and recovery has to be included in his treatment planning as well so that you receive a more holistic treatment from them. Hang in there, be strong, and use your resources before the relapse occurs. I'll be praying for you.

Charles