Expert: Jacqui - 10/2/2009

Question
QUESTION: Jacqui, thank you for responding to my question. I'm not familiar with using this website & almost missed the fact that you had responded to my question. Anyway, first of all, I kinda got my feelings hurt by your answer because you said something about quitting lying, getting honest, etc. See that's the attitude CPS has except they are way ruder! I say this because I AM NOT LYING!!! I did not use cocaine! I have been clean 2 yrs! But I can understand from my history no one believing me! I probably would be hesitant myself to believe someone in a situation such as mine! And yes, I totally agree with you! Most people that use drugs are good parents and don't abuse their children. I know when I was using, I never hurt my children in any way, they had everything they could possibly want, etc. and it was Society-CPS that said I was such a terrible person. But I chose to quit using drugs because I got tired of society not leaving me alone (legally, going to jail, etc) and mainly because of my health. I didn't want to die from liver failure like my father did. So, while I can understand you not believing me, in all truthfullness I did just use a patch. And I've talked to alot of people recently, including a pharmacist, who said that that kind of patch will definatly test positive for cocaine. But that doesn't mean that CPS still isn't going to try their best to take my child from me due to my past. I had already decided to do what you suggested and get as many cleans under my belt-every week at my methadone clinic I've paid them to give me a weekly u.a. to show CPS that I'm clean. And yes, please send me any info, resources, etc that you can think of. I need all the help I can get because I am so terrified I can't sleep and I miss my little boy so bad. Could you please send any info to my email so that I'll get it? . Thank you so much for responding, Susan

ANSWER: Hey Susan,

I am so sorry if I didn't come across properly.  I guess what I meant is that society thinks these things about you ... I don't.  HI don't think negatively about anyone who takes drugs and it doesn't really matter if you were lying or not.  Anyway, I am sorry if you thought that I thought you were!  I totally believe you.  It is sad, however, that you have to go through all this bullshit just because you used to use drugs.  Why is your little boy away from you already?  I am assuming that that is because of the previous issue with your former partner (I get lots of questions, but I think that this was about him???)  It is also bloody ridiculous that you have to pay for the urine drug screens.  I hope that Obama really shakes up the American health system.

Anyway, all I can really do is reiterate that you know you are a good mother ... you have done everything that a narrow minded society has asked and hopefully this will make a difference.  The only other thing I can think of is accessing legal support if it does get tricky, but I am guessing that this would cost a lot.  If you are in a big city I could do a 'google' search for you to find if there is a harm reduction service near you who might know of a lawyer willing to assist.  Harm Reduction organisations are generally opposed to the ridiculous judgements placed on people who use some drugs while others are applauded for drinking (which is the drug most likely to cause liver failure).

Susan, I admire what you are doing ... stay strong!

Jacqui

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Yes, I totally get where you're coming from! Our society is very narrow minded and seem to worry about the wrong things! To try & make a long story short here's what happened: back in Apr. my husband & I lost our unborn baby girl at 17 weeks due to a weak cervix & they did'nt catch it in time to prevent the miscarriage (do you know the CPS caseworker had the nerve to ask my husband if our baby died because I was using cocaine AFTER I had told her I've been clean 2 yrs! But that's just more to this messed up story!)so ever since our relationship has been rocky I guess due to our grief we fight alot. So I started seeing a counselor at the local crisis center to get help with my grief but it seems like all the counselor wanted to do was convince me that because of the fighting I was in an abusive relationship & that's all she focused on. Well, Rickie (my husband) and I got in a fight one nite and while moving his truck he ran into my car & I thought he did it on purpose. Anyway I was so upset the next day I told my counselor what happened & she told me that my son was unsafe around my husband after what he had done. At this time we had been separated a month I had gotten my own apt. and I told my counselor that my son was with me and that I wasn't taking him back around Rickies until everything had cooled down. Well, after I left, she got scared I was going to go back to Rickies with the child & called CPS & told them about him "running me down" & our child being at the house when it happened. So when they came to question me as to what happened the caSEWORKER WAS SO MEAN AND RUDE & SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T FEEL SAFE LEAVING MY SON WITH ME because of my history of drug abuse and with CPS (I had a CPS case when my son was born and that's when I quit drugs to get him back)so although the report was on my husband, it got turned into being against us both! Which I wasn't worried until I went to my pain mngmt clinic the next day and BAM! My first ever dirty UA with them for cocaine! I felt like I was in a nightmare when they told me I had positive for cocaine, because I knew I hadn't used! And I had just given the CPS worker a release to get my records from them to show her my progress in treatment, so I knew CPS was going to see that dirty test! It was my nurse who figured out that I had been using that patch, if she wouldn't of asked me about it I would of never thought it because I didn't think of using the patch as using any kind of drug! Anyway, I had to have my sister in law come in from Dallas to get my son & Dallas is about 2 hrs from us so I haven't seen my son in about 3 weeks now! And have heard nothing from CPS. So don't know what's going on. No, we are in a pretty rural area. The largest city, Tyler, Texas is about 40 mins from here- we live in Jacksonville, Texas. I've never heard of a harm reduction service, but would definately like to hear more. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get him back. I'm hoping it don't get to the point to where we have to get a lawyer- we're both on disability & don't get much money. Thank you so much for your info & any help you can give me! Susan

ANSWER: Hi Susan,

I had a look at services that might be able to help and have come up with the following (limited) options.  The annoying thing about this website is that I am so far away ... and it can be really disempowering to hear this kind of stuff and not be able to do anything about it!

Harm Reduction services in Texas are (suprise, suprise) very limited and focus primarily on needle exchange.  There is a group in Austin and I have contacted them via their Facebook site (Austin Harm Reduction Coalition) asking for some services that are a local (I know Texas is a big state, but they are a bit more local than me!)  I have just given them a brief description of your situation, of course without your name, and I hope they will get back to me soon.

ACLU - I know this one may seem a bit left of centre, but I really think this is a civil liberties issue.  They offer some legal advice - follow this link  http://www.aclutx.org/projects/legalpg.php?pid=23

Also, I found this website that offers free and low cost legal help  http://www.texaslawhelp.org/TX/index.cfm

Susan, if I get a response from the Austin Harm Reduction guys I will get back to you ... although this web site is a bit confusing so you may need to send me another question which I can respond to ... or send me an email address.  

Take care and I hope some of this is helpful

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks for the info, I'm going to check them all out and see what I can come up with. Yes, that's crazy that the harm reduction in Tx only deals with needle exchange- which is a good program but thank God I don't need! (I quit shooting dope in 2001!)You'd think Tx would have more resources, especially with the number of drug addicted people in this state! Oh, and you have my permission to give out my name to any people/organizations that you feel may be able to help me-I trust your judgement. And my email is: . I just got home from my methadone clinic and paid another $10 for my weekly drug screen. I wonder if CPS would test me weekly if I asked them to? Of course, surprise, surprise, the caseworker is hard to get ahold of- she still hasn't called my husband back. And yes, I agree, I do feel this could be a civil liberties issue. Because I definitely feel like we are being discriminated against: me, because I am a former drug abuser with a terrible history, and then my husband because we are a biracial relationship- (he is an African American man who is 20 yrs older than me- I'm 37 yrs old and white)and of course, he is what I guess you could say a binge drinker. He probably puts one on 2 or 3 times a year. (Usually during football season!:)) And he also has a history with CPS, like I do. Yes, we've both made ALOT of mistakes, but for the past 2 yrs we have both made a huge turnaround as far as staying clean and being good parents. Our only problems, like I told you, has been the fighting since losing our baby daughter. But in NO WAY has our son ever been abused! That little boy is our entire life! So I know I keep saying thank you, but I really mean it! In the short time I've been corresponding with you, you've given me more hope and it just feels a little better knowing that I'm not exactly alone and that there are people out there who believe in me and willing to help! I've got my husband and 2 counselors at the clinic who I talk to who are helpful and my sis in law who has my son and that's about it. Oh and I talked to a pharmacologist from India, Ravindra Ghooi, who has come to the US a few times to speak to the FDA about these unreliable drug tests and how they aren't always 100% accurate and how it's like a witch hunt and that the government need to be woke up! That people like us aren't just losing jobs because of these drug tests- they are losing children! Something definitely need to be done! They should be treated like polygraph tests! Well, I really look forward to hearing from you and now I'm going to go look up these sites you sent me. Thank you for all you help and hope,  Susan

Answer
Hey Susan,

Firstly it looks like the "all experts" system doesn't like people giving out email addresses becuase yours didn't come through!  Never mind - if you do want to send it again, perhaps use the word "at" not the symbol.

Anyway, I am glad that you are getting really motivated.  It is sad when people just get so beaten down by the system they give up.  Sounds like you have some of that good ol' fashioned southern spark! It really is disappointing that a bi-racial relationship is viewed with such suspicion in the 21st century.  Perhaps that is why there aren't a lot of harm reduction services ... due to political and social conservatism I mean.  Besides the Harm Reduction coalition haven't got back to me which is annoying, but it is just a Facebook page.  If you are on Facebook check them out (but there isn't heaps of info really).  I am listed as one of their "fans" and I am sure I am the only Jacqui so you may see my smiling face!  

Susan, keep up the good work and please stay in touch.  What I really love about this website is that I hear from such interesting people and I do see changes from the simplest things ... like being told they aren't a bad person for using drugs!  You are strong and love your son and I really admire that.

Please keep me informed of the situation and stay in touch!

Jacqui