Expert: Hector Manuel Rodriguez - 11/29/2009

Question
I've been married for 3yrs and with my husband 5 1/2, I never dealt with anyone on crack but until I met him it has been a roller coaster. I'm 41yrs and my husband is 54yrs, after he moved in with me about a month later he disappeared for 2 days that passed, one thing I could say his words flowed like honey and I believed a lot of what he said by this time feelings involved keeping family and friends out of our business. I am from a close family became private with my life had a stroke from all the stress of his addiction at 39yrs. We purchased a home 2yrs ago because he stayed clean for 8months the first time I saw that I thought then he quite. We argue alot because he started back never once with his addiction we went without food now no food his portion of bill past due I paid them. Two week ago spent entire work check overdrawn $500 next check only $600 because of overdraw, I threating so many times to leave to scare him I guess he doesn't want too break up so he left first last time I saw him was Thanksgiving I want to know, "Why did he not just come out and say find another place to go because I messed up soo bad?" He's a good man but he's always angry, I don't fully understand "why?" I'm looking for an answer because we were together literally 24hrs a day we work at the same place and we had one car, it got worse a few months after I bought him a truck had the truck for Sept. 09. maybe because I told him he would never quite until he gave it up to God, he told me that he could not handle me but I don't know what he meant but he stays clean 3 months at a time I find that weird he. I know he loves me but he is a very selfish and jealous man ever with my kids but he loves them as well. Do you think my husband can change from the little I told you? I have a trillion stories.  

Answer
Based on my experience it is very difficult for someone at his age quit from crack on his own.
He might need a shocking experience or hit rock bottom in order to see if it can make any change on him.
He does what he does because he feels that he is allowed to. If that does not change, he will be the same forever.

Crack is one of the most psychologically addictive drugs on the streets and usually turn people very irritable.

From my point of view, while you are there for him and allow him to do the things he want, he will not change.

Remember that we, addicts, when active become the most manipulative people in the world. All has to be for our convenience.

I hope you find this information helpful and thanks for writing to allexperts.com

Have a wonderful day.