Expert: Jacqui - 11/29/2009

Question
Hi I have been with my fiancee for 9 yrs. Before I met him he was a heroin addict he had given it up about 1/2 yrs before I met him.He recently lost his job and has taken to visit his "friend " who is still using tablets and methadone.whenever he comes back the next few days he cannot sleep,has v itchy skin,tiny pupils,and I have seen brown stuff in his teeth,I found burnt tinfoil as well.I have aked him but he says he is not doing anything.I have no experience with drugs myself. What could he be using and what can I do ?  

Answer
HI marie,

I can't say what is going on, but I will say what I say to all family members and partners that contact me (perhaps read past posts), in that people think that if you find out they are using you will react badly, then they are unlikely to tell you.  The main thing to do is not get all judgemental and think that because he has used a few times he is going to end up in the gutter.  

If you think you can ask him again, in a way that is not preachy or gives him the idea that saying "yes I am using" is going to result in you screaming at him, then you could try.  But you really need to be prepared for the answer, and if he says he is using and you don't want to leave the relationship, then you need to let him know this.  Don't try to force him into anything (i.e.: if you don't stop, I will leave).

Lots of people use lots of things ... and if he has had a habit before, then it is likely that he will lapse at some time in his life (this is the norm, not the exception).  So if you are going to stay with him, you either have to accept it, or offer support (keeping in mind, that people don't just stop if they ahve a habit, and it takes a fair bit of time).  But, if you can't support this, then you might want to reconsider your situation.

stay safe

Jacqui