Expert: Hector Manuel Rodriguez - 11/25/2009

Question
QUESTION: 30 yr old son is on meth and ?. He has a full time job and a flat in another province,but lives with us, the family. He pays me rent and has tried several times to stop, even went for rehab which closed down after two weeks and he could not continue. he relapses after 1-2 months. i think it is called binging? what is binging and do the addict hold out naturally for a month or two or is he really trying to stop and relapses after 1-2 months.he goes off and stays away for three days. Does he eat during thid time? what do i do? he is such an introvert. posed previous question to daniel.

ANSWER: There are many things that your son might be doing when he disappears for a few days, sounds like he is using something else besides methadone which could be lethal if he is not monitored.

Based on my very own experience, we do not usually eat when we go into a binge.

Binge means consuming a drug or alcohol without the capability of stopping on your own and usually lasts 3-4 days.

I have seen a lot of cases like the one you have with your son. They stay clean for 1-2 months and then relapse.

This happens for a wide variety of reasons:

1. He manages money on his own.
2. He does not have a sober support network for crisis time and cravings.
3. He is surrounded by the same people, things and places he associates with using and so on.

There is always an underlying condition for using.

Think about how was his childhood?
How were his teen years?
Any traumatic events in his life he is keeping for himself?

Once you find out the underlying condition, addiction is a small thing to work with.

Note: If you say that he is introvert, maybe drugs make him feel the opposite and he likes it.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: There are so many questions to ask. How do I find out whats bothering him? Pscychologist once told me he has a lot of anger in him and that she could not share it without his permission. What could he be doing for 3 days on a binge. is he aware of his doings? I cannot even have a simple conversation with him, let alone find out whats wrong.Who do u suggest i refer himto for "opening up". Does he really try to stay clean or is this merely a normal thing when binging?I need to know, then i'll have an idea of how much he really wants to stop. he seems sincere. he even mentioned at one stage that he feels like giving up.

ANSWER: Please, feel free to ask about anything related to addiction.
We addicts, when active become kind of another person.
The drug itself makes us selfish, liars, manipulative, everything for our own benefit, we only have lapses of sincerity when we feel tired of the slavery that drug use implies.

Going on a binge is just a part of addiction when your main goal is to consume constantly generally until your body is exhausted and then you return home to rest.

There are many things that may be bothering him consciously or unconsciously but I don't know if he wil open up with you.

To be very honest and share something personal with you, my underlying cause of addiction was that I was sexually abused when I was 9 years old besides the physical abuse from my alcoholic father.

I could make the connection with a psychologist while in therapy.

Psychologists are the best for someone opening up, psychiatrists will only medicate him although he may benefit from them as well.

Try to find a psychologist specialized in addiction.

You should make an appointment first to see if you think that your son may feel comfortable with a particular professional.
Check for hi/her voice tone, his/her approach to you, the office environment and the office appearance in general.

Make your own conclusions and make an appointment for your son, in a matter of a few sessions he should open up with him or her.

Once you discover and realize your underlying condition, your desire for using diminishes in a big way.

Please keep me posted, I wish I could be there and help your son.

Sincerely,

Hector Rodriguez

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi, its me again. Read your answer. extremely informative. thanks for people like you. You are very open. i feel the hopelessness, anger and yet hope...where do i begin? He's already gone to nar-anon meets, including running a few meetings in a 90day session.I live in cape town, S-Africa. I don't suppose you would know any good referrals with his problem? The other issue is that rehab is such an expensive issue here that it is unbearable. Rehabs charge per month, knowing that the addict would need much more than that to recover. I have attended a couple of nar-anon meets myself. have learnt very little and it became time-consuming because all they did was chit-chat most of the time. I dont know where i should begin. Do i tell him to leave and stay elsewhere-it hurts when he disappears. Do i give him an ultimatum? I really do not have any other problems with him.He doesnt steal or do anything else wrong. He does roadrunning(marathons, etc). i also suspect there should be an underlying problem. i wish you were near here so that i can really have a good conversation with you and how to deal with this issue.I really wish i knew how to do the right thing. Thanks once again and God bless for coming along on my lifes path.You've told me what i could not find out in seven years!!

Answer
Thanks for your politeness!

It seems your son's addiction problem is not that big if he only relapses once in a while.

I know that every parent love their child but sometimes we need to practice some tough love.

Set your own rules if he wants to keep on living at your place and be firm.

I did some research and found a place called The Salvation Army, maybe they can help him.

You may click on the following link for their information  http://www.salvationarmy.org/ihq/www_sa.nsf/vw-local/Southern-Africa  or go to Google.com and search for Salvation Army South Africa.

I hope I can help you more.

Please let me know how else may I help you.

A warm hug for you and your son,

Hector Rodriguez