Expert: Hector Manuel Rodriguez - 11/21/2009

Question
Hello,
My question has to do with behavior modification. Let me start by saying I am a married to a man whom is totally addicted to crack; we have been together for 5 years, married for 3. I didn't know the severity of the addiction until AFTER we were married. He has been a addict for 20 years on %26 off; with 5 yrs being his longest clean time. We bought a house a year ago and since this new and expensive responsibility he has relapsed every few months. He has been to 30day and 120day inpatient rehab before and does not feel it would help him to try it again. A family friend who has been clean for now 8 years says that behavior modification is his only solution because he feels (as do I) that its something psychologically wrong that sends him to the streets everytime there is stress in his life. As much as I'm in love with my husband, I have 2 daughters(10 %26 13) to consider. I've always told them that when he gets stressed he has to go and regroup so that we wont argue. They have never been exposed to drugs before so it holds for now, I'm starting to not be attracted to him, I wont be intimate, and if I had better financial resources, I would have left his bunns by now. Is behavior modification a real answer? Hes a very successful business man when hes sober, and i don't want him to have to start over if theres a real answer out there for him. Hes willing!  

Answer
Hello there!

Your husband's case reminds me of my own case many years ago.

The major problem with addicts is that we never think about consequences, regardless if their severity.

We affect everyone's lives with our insane behaviors, especially children.

One of the most usual recommendations is to move far away from his using environment but if that is not possible, you may give it a try to behavioral modification.

At hte same time, you and him alone, dicuss what are his triggers for using and work them out.

I can give you several suggestions such as:

Going to NA meetings.

Not handling money by himself.

Make at least 3 complete meals- our addict brains associate hunger with using.

Change people, things and places as much as possible.

Keep hydrated at all times.

Some exercise may help.

Communication, let him know that he can share how he feels when he gets the cravings and work it out.

Try to develop a network of sober people who can listen to him and give him some advice when he falls into a crisis.

Get rid of all the utensils to smoke crack, throw them away.

Keep his mind busy at all times and remind him that cravings will be there but they will last a short time.

He needs to be commited and dedicated to rehabilitation.

Go see a doctor to prescribe him something for his anxiety or you may buy a natural formula at a Health Foods Store.

His addiction may be a cover up  for something that causes him a lot of pain, usually originated during the childhood or early teen years.

I hope this information is helpful to your situation.

Feel free to drop me a line anytime you need to, OK...

Sincerely,

Hector Manuel Rodriguez