Expert: Peter L. - 11/7/2009

Question
I have two teenagers.  One is doing very well in school however our daughter has started using marijuana.  My husband and I are recovering addicts. Do you think my daughter is using because we did or to escape all of the stress going on in our home.  EX; loss of job, lower income.  Do you think my son is using as well?

Answer
Hi Tracy,

The question of why a young person starts using an addictive substance is a complicated one.  We often talk about "protective" vs. "risk" factors in making a determination of whether someone will accept an offer (from a peer usually) of alcohol or drugs.  

Most of my clients, perhaps the majority, speak of substance use in their families of origin.  Most feel this has had some bearing on their use of substances, but I don't find the relationship always reliable as a predictor of use.  Research has suggested genetics as a factor and support for that connection has been growing.

Then, there are those clients who mention no substance use in their families and stable home lives.  Yet, they have developed addictive problems.

Where I live in New England, we see quite a bit of teen alcohol and marijuana use.  A number of prevention organizations do their best in educating teens and adults about use, abuse, and harmfulness of substances, and I believe some of this has an impact.  

I often work with teenagers who maintain a defiant attitude about quitting marijuana use. It's hard to convince a teenager of the dangers of marijuana.  I find it helpful when parents demonstrate they will not just take a passive attitude toward it.  Recently, I worked with a young man and his mother who reached a "negotiated" agreement to limit his use. I think he did respond favorably to this and has given marijuana use some additional thought.  I would talk to your daughter about your experiences as former users and elicit her reactions. Does she feel you and your husband's use has impacted her?  Does she find it minimally risky behavior because you both were addicts and survived it, only to recover later?  Is she aligned with a peer group that consists of other users?  

The only way to know for sure if your son is using is to have him submit a urine screen.  But first, I'd speak to him about his views also, about substances.  Sounds like a very frank and open family dialog would be helpful here, and perhaps some counseling.

Hope this helps,
Peter