Expert: Peter L. - 12/31/2009

Question
My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years now. He rarely drank when I met him letalone doing drugs. He came to me about 2 months ago and told me he had a serious drug problem and that he had been doing it for about 6 months at that time.

He swore he didn't want to do it any more that he loved me and our three children. About 2 weeks later I found him in our garage smoking crack!

Once again he said he didn't want to do it anymore and we were going to move and have a fresh start!

So we did... We moved and everything seemed alright until I recently found a crack pipe and steel wool in my closet. He says they must have moved from the other house, which is not possible.

So my dilemma is: Do I stay or do i run?

I have been trying to work things out for our children. My parents were divorced when I was 7 and it was the worst experience in my life, so I didn't want that for my kids.

I want to get him into rehab but everywhere I look they want thousands of dollars to help him and we don't have that kind of money. Any advice or treatment options you may know about?

Please Help!

Loretta

Answer
Hi Loretta,

Sorry to hear about this very troubling situation.  This can create a lot of emotional conflict because it appears like a betrayal of your trust and even relationship in general, and seems to disregard the welfare of your children.  Substance abuse problems can impact families on many different levels.  

Concealing or denying use of an addictive substance is common.  Fortunately, he admitted to it before increasing consequences of his use made it apparent.  While someone may be skilled at hiding use, one can't keep up the game forever.

It's all about him getting into and staying in treatment.  Typically there is an intensive level of care at the start, either inpatient or outpatient, eventually scaling down to fewer sessions or visits.  I always recommend someone stay in treatment for at least six months.  I would query local treatment programs and find out if they have payment alternatives.  In many areas, like the state I work in, there are subsidies to treat the uninsured.  Bou are in Canada, so doesn't treatment for addictions fall under your free medical services?  

If your husband is resisting treatment on the basis that he has stopped using, and therefore "recovered" I would be insistent that he at least get an evaluation.  His concealing the use initially is a real concern and suggests he can easily fall back into addictive behaviors.  Addictions don't just "go away" for most people.  It would also be wise for him to attend support or self-help meetings.

I hope this helps!