Expert: Jacqui - 12/8/2009

Question
Can someone please explain this to me.  My boyfriend is an addict - that i've found out & has been doing it before we met.  Now he has stopped "hiding" this from me & I have told him that i don't like it.  I don't like that his personality has changed & he's turned mean, uncaring, insensitive & not the person I fell in love with.  He says he hasn't.  Then our sex life is almost non-exisistent & he holds a towel over his genital area after he's smoked crack.  Why is that?  Then one night we did have sex & he only lasted not even a minute & the next morning he said his penis hurt.  Is it possible for someone to stop out of guilt? because I went to one of his brothers & told him what was going on.  Of course my boyfriend got mad and didn't speak to me for 4 days.  I kept leaving him long messages saying to please get help and to stop putting this sh.t before him, me, us, and his family.  I really don't know much about this addiction & how it affects people (guys) emotionally, physically except from what i've seen in the last two weeks

Answer
Hi Jamie,

People stop using for a number of reasons, but just guilt alone may not be enough.  It is also not common that people stop only because someone else tells them to.  There are heaps of examples in my 'past answers' if you would like to have a look.  As far as the sexual stuff, drugs can have an effect on someone's sex life.  However I haven't heard of a penis hurting from smoking crack.  Does he have any sores on it?  

I think that there are potentially other issues going on here, and you may need to decide about whether you want to stay in the relationship.  

If you have any more specific questions, please don't hesitate to let me know.  At the moment, it is most important that you decide about your relationship yourself, but you may also want to speak to someone you trust who you know won't make any rash judgements.  Drugs don't necessarily make someone uncaring and insensitive.  Drug use is very complex, and because of its legal status, and that fact that drug users are often seen as the lowest of the low (despite the fact that your last three presidents took illegal drugs at some point, including two who took cocaine), people often don't want to talk about it.  

let me know if there is any other informatino you would like!

Take care

Jacqui