Expert: Caroline West - 2/26/2009

Question
I need help badly. I’ve been a heroin addict since the early 80's and all the good stuff that comes with an addicts life. Well I finally discharged my prison number the last time I got out which was  back in July of 98. Like an addict I was addicted by September. September 30th I went to a clinic and got on methadone and have been on it ever since. At first I was still using heroin, even though at high does you don’t feel the drug.  Sometime in the year 2000 after fixing I felt this type of a rush, like an adrenalin rush, but my heart beat didn’t go up and I felt like I was going to die, I felt scared. The next few times I shot up I bought the dope at a different place thinking it was the dope, cut, or something, but it happened every time after that. So I quit heroin and I haven’t used it again but I’m still on methadone. So I thought that was over but out of no where I would get that feeling again even though I hadn’t used.  It still happens today out of the blue or when I take any type of medicine. One time a doctor gave me medicine for my sinuses and it hit me again. Needless to say I’m scared every time I have to take any medicine because when I do I think I’m going to die and it gets me real scared. I looked up my symptoms and noticed the panic attack  symptoms are about 90 percent the same as mine symptoms. I was at 100mgs but have been going down these last few years. So now I’m at 67mgs. I thought a little back ground might help. After all this finally to my question. Has anyone heard of any methadone side affects that sounds like this or any side affects?  What can I do? I have two children that depend on me so any help I can get would help me. Thank you, Tony

Answer
Hey Tony,

In my mind my friend you are having what we call 'Flash backs'. They don't only apply to the emotions such as to a person having a flash back as an adult to when he/she was abused-feelings are also stored in our bodies too.

So what is happening to you is that your subconscious has started equating that terrible ordeal you had with a drug to all types of medicine which are 'drugs'. Your body is reliving that frightening moment when you thought you were going to die.

The way I can relate to this is when I get flash back smells of Crack-there is no crack about but all of a sudden I would get a whiff of it and it takes me right back to when I was using and it and it scares me as I also remember the come downs in my flash backs too so I know what you are talking about.

You know what the good thing is? you are no longer on Heroin thanks to that experience! look at it that way-it was the reason to you stopping and that is really positive when you turn it around like that-do please feel good about that!

I,having been on Methadone for many years found no side effects apart from when it was morning and I was in withdrawals for an hour until it kicked in. The actual drug itself is not harmful-apart from the addiction to it but thats not what we are talking about. You are not getting side effects from methadone-its the flash backs and it is kind of tricking your brain into thinking its these current drugs that are bringing on the panic attacks and they are not,its your past trauma.

So not only is these experiences part of that trauma you had and causing flash backs,you are also getting panic attacks and they are connected. Talk to a drug Psychiatrist too-only if you want to but it would be a good idea (and don't be scared of them,they wont lock you up) as they will have medical knowledge about this and they can maybe help with the feelings you are having.

Keep doing what your doing-you are doing well and again please turn it around and see the positive in all of this that you aren't on smack anymore!

Anything else you wish to talk about then by all means please write in again and I wish you all the best.Take care, Caroline