Expert: Caroline West - 2/20/2009

Question
I am writing to you from the bottom of my last straw with my fiance.  He is a 28 year old intelligent well educated man.  For the past 6 or 7 years, he has been a recreational user of ecstasy.  He began this use with one of his ex girlfriends back when he was in college and continued recreationally for quite some time.  When I met him, he introduced me to this drug. I never was a heavy user, I only used once and a while and I used in very small amounts because prior to that I had never taken any drugs except marijuana in small amounts.  After a while I began to notice that i was only taking the drugs to feed HIS habbit and so that he wouldn't go anywhere else and use the drugs. After a while I also began to notice some changes inside of him mentally physically and emotionally and then one day he had a psychotic episode at my house.  He went completely crazy and hurt me and tried to hurt everyone else around him.  He proceeded to blame the episode on everyone that was around hi at the time...he thought people were doing some kind of witchcraft or something bad to him...he was dilusional and paranoid.  He was hospitalized and then after that he continued to use the drugs.  I had already made a promise to myself and to God to NEVER engage in that kind of activity again, but now he still continues to use.  Just yesterday I had to tell him to leave the house because he got high again behind my back and my daughter was there she's only 5.  He has severe anxiety attacks and paranoid delisions from the drugs.  He thinks people are poisining him and trying to hurt him, he thinks that everyone is out to get him even me.  Please help me....after all this all I can do is just stay away from him.  It has been the hardest thing that I ever had to do by telling him to leave and telling him I can't be around him cuz all I wanna do is love and support my fiance.  I keep telling him that when he uses the drugs he takes away my option of being with him because I no longer feel safe around him.  He tells me I left him, I turned my back on him...I don't love him...he wants to leave me... I just want him to get help.  I tell him that I stay away from him BECAUSE I love him...BECAUSE I won't let him hurt me my child or himself.. he doesn't understand.  I have been in contact with his mother and his children's mother as well and we all feel the same way about him.  What should I do???  Please help...

Answer
Hi Rachael hun,It must be extremely difficult the position you are in because you do love him a lot and it hurts for you to ask him to leave because you love him so but I sincerely believe that you are doing the right thing.

Regardless of what drug is being used,they seriously mess with a persons mental health which is what is happening to your fiance and my heart goes out to him too because he too is suffering but in a different way.

Just to warn you that what I am about to say will upset and shock you but this is the far end of the scale if his Mental health deteriates. He needs help and treatment badly. He needs some Anti-Psychotic medicines-and I know that sounds very frightening but all that they are is Major tranquilizers and act on the brain to calm and take away the terrible Paranoia and distress he is experiencing but getting him into treatment will be a battle in itself but if Drs are alerted then a team of a Dr,Psychiatrist and Social worker can act to make a decision to make him have to have treatment,that is only the last straw if he gets too bad.

You are now scared of him and your first priority is your daughters safety and your safety-you must keep him away from the both of you until he gets well. From what you told me he is using every guilt trip he can on you to let him back in but don't fall for it or let it upset you.

You too must keep away from continuing to take the Ecstacy even though its only a little bit for now but that I assure you will escalate and you will need more and right now you need to be clear headed to help deal with him. I suspect he is smoking cannabis aswell,correct me if I am wrong,but that too causes all the symptoms he is experiencing.

There is not much more I can say. Go over his head and alert his Dr and say what you have told me. Also as I said keep well away from him until he is stable-it can take around 10 days for the meds to fully kick in and in my mind,straight away he needs to be in Hospital.

Racael if you need any more advice and support or give me an update then please feel free to write to me again and I wish you nothing but the best. Take care and do what you are doing and keep safe,take good care,Caroline