Expert: Veronica C. Yost - 3/3/2009

Question
my husband is a crack addict. He said that he started smoking crack around September 2008 at first he did it once a week then twice then now i believe every other day or everyday. He was in rehab before when he was 16 years old. He smokes weed everyday and he would occasionally smoke crack.  we have been married for two years now and we have a one year old baby. The first incident happened on Feb 2 2009 he did not come home for 24 hours and that is a very unusual behavior for him since he was a very good husband and a wonderful father when he came home he told me that he is smoking crack and he is hooked and needs help.  I ignored his request and i said you dont need rehab you just need to quit (i dont do drugs therefore i did not understand him then) and he agreed and he said he will go to NA meetings and everything will be back to normal again.... One week after that the same thing happened again he did not come again for 24 hours and when he did he said that he did it again and can not control himself anymore... he promised to stop again and we agreed that i will stop working since i worked at night cuz we would take turns taking care of the baby we decided that i need to stop working and that i would drive him and pick him up from work so that he wont have a car to get drugs plus i took all the bank cards i just gave him a credit card that was on a monday by friday he was using his work transportation to go get drugs and applying for cash advance on the credit card that i gave him... The next day he said he was going to an NA meeting i said i want to go with him and he insisted that I wont to make the long story short i moved his car three blocks away from our house and i walked home so that he would not be able to leave but he called the police on me saying that i stole his car.. when the police came they asked me why i did what i did and i told them that my husband is a crack addict and i am preventing him from leaving and getting drugs.. the police believed me and since he was very rude to the police they arrested him for something unrelevant to our problem.. so he went to jail and begged me to bail him out and i did and when he got out he again promised to stop and everything will be back to normal now.. the next day he did it again this time he took our one year baby with him for 8 hours to go get drugs and smoked crack while our baby was in the back seat of his car.. then he went home to drop off the baby and then immediatley left cuz he said the police are coming for him he does not want to go back to jail.... he came back home later that same night and again promised to change and get help and everything will be back to normal now.. the following day he did it again and this time i texted him and told him that our baby had a fever and he needs to come home he ignored my plea and came home 5 hours after i texted him our baby was sick... then few hours after that i asked him to go and get some medicine for our son and he did but 30 minutes after that he wanted to leave again he said he wanted to go get mcdonal;ds and i said let me get it for you and then he threw a fit and started throwing stuff around the house and then when i tired to block the door so he would  not leave  he pushed  me out of the way that he hurt me and bruised me.. the following day i left with my son to go to my mother's house because the situation with my husband is getting very unhealthy for the baby .. he dropped us off at the airport and then he said that when we come back he will have 3 weeks sobreity and that everything will be back to normal now... That was two weeks ago and he is still not in rehab and still smoking crack every other day... Today he called the rehab and he said that the earliest appointment he could get for assesment is this coming friday today is monday... but later today right after work he did it again and he chat with me for awhile he said that he is out of control and really wants help.. he is afraid that he will lose his job and our house and that he let everyone down -me ,his parents ,my parents and that he does not deserve me anymore... he does not really say a lot about our baby at this point and the whole time i was trying to console him and telling him that he needs to be strong till he gets help and that he needs to ask God to help but then after about an hour of chatting he said he will just go buy taco bell and be back in 10 minutes and he never came back online anymore... my question is does he really want help???? does he really want to change and be back to normal?? or am I just fooling myself here trying to help someone that does not want help... please help me figure out if he really needs my help if he really wants to change and get better cuz he if does not i want to move on with my life because i have a son that needs me cuz his father is not there for him anymore.... One last question.. can i get sole legal custody of my son if i can prove in court with a drug test that my husband is a crack addict??? i dont trust him with our son at all...

Answer
Dear Ann,
 First, God Bless you and your baby, your husband is running out of time quickly.  You're going to need it.  Addicts are liar's and should not be trusted.  Of course I speak from my own experience.  I could type this all out here if you would like but I would prefer you call me.  Send me an email to my private account and I will send you my phone number or you can leave me yours.  Lilly1989@gmx.com

 I have a MRI this morning at 9 and should be home by 2pm.  If you want just the email instead, reply here and I will do that.  It will be very very long.  When I said he is running out of time I mean he is nearing the point of no return.  And he can't lose his job because of addiction, I believe it's covered under something like ADA.  And it's totally illegal to fire some because they admit to an addiction.

 I hope to hear from you soon.  Veronica