Expert: Veronica C. Yost - 3/6/2009

Question
I know that this isn't the 'norm' as far as questions, my hope is to avoid having to ask anything further. I have noticed a certain "group" of kids that were painting their nails with and writing on themselves w/ sharpies(symbols mainly).I thought that it was a fad but was concerned, then my middle son who has a.d.d started doing the same thing.He seems to get them daily,claiming teachers give them to him,etc.I want to know if he is trying to look cool and doesn't realize what he's doing(he is very naive)or if he has now figured out what it causes,what are the risks and what should I continue to look for,is there a name for it,etc. I am not one to sit back and wait to see if this will turn into anything,but I also don't want to be so strict that I push them away.

Answer
Hello,
 Aside from the obvious (you should use sharpies on the skin).  If it is a fad it has stuck around for a long time.  My son who is 21 was doing this 11 years ago and still uses sharpies to color his finger nails.  It got better with time.  Depending on the symbols your son is putting on him it is harmless.  The other danger is of most certainly the "ugly" writing all over your child.  
 Sharpies are non-toxic but shouldn't be used on skin.  Kids are always coming up with new was to express themselves.  I wouldn't worry about liver and kidney damage either.  I can assume that he is feeling or made to feel "bad" about drawing on himself so he made up the story about the teacher doing it.  She is an adult, you aren't there, you can't prove she didn't do it (in his mind) and you won't yell or get mad at her.  
 If you want him to stop you'll have to back him off of it slowly.  Tell him you love what he is drawing and embrace it.  My mother was a master at this!  She always defended my right to express myself and I slowly lost interest because SHE was interested.  At 16 I had a Mohawk and piercing etc.  My mom always defended my right to look like an idiot.  I ended up stopping and growing my hair back.

 Bottom line let him be him (with some boundaries) tell him the only rule is no drawing on the face and neck.  Then tell him each time they are really nice (including the friends).  He'll stop when he get bored with it.  I am having a thought.  If these friends come over, make a rule of 1 at a time.  (Now this is just something I am seeing) It is easier for you to monitor what is happening and learn about each kid individually.  I guess your son is not over the age of 12?  Definitely a follower.  But there is only so much you can do at his age with regards to friends and stupid stuff.  Anyway, follow what I said and it will stop eventually.  But I only see a problem with 1 kid (male)  brown hair, sort of thin and a little taller then your son.  If you try to make your son not "hang out" with these friends you will find him detached from you.  

 So many of my son's middle school friends I couldn't stand because they were trouble makers.  And I was right about all of them.  Jail, drugs, alcohol etc.  But I supported my son and he never followed them.  He's still a thorn in my side :) but we love our kids!


God Bless and Good Luck,
Veronica