Expert: Gareth Stubbs - 3/7/2009

Question
Hi, Put your thing cap on for this ride:)
I'm a 46 year old male, I guess I should explain my current state I'm going thru a divorce which will cost me 500/mo support for the next two years. So I'm always broke...but having said that I then try to gamble what little money I do have betting the horses online to try and make more money. Of course I end up losing now I'm in a further hole meanwhile I smoke weed daily. Just at home usually between 7 and 12:30 am I'll set around watching TV smoking problem is I find that after each toke my problems seem to hit me dead center thoughts of all my problems come to mind bumming me out. Now amid all this all I want to do is sleep, I don't go to work, no sex drive ,no appetite. Don't really want to talk or see anyone I just isolate myself worrying about all my problems. The same thing occurred about 2 years ago no drugs then or gambling then but I was living in the house by myself wife had left so I started not eating , I was going to work but all I would do was come home and sleep and watch television, just laying around,not talking to friends just wanted to sleep It was a nightmare if someone rang the doorbell. I knew something was wrong when at work I would just start to almost cry when I thought about how I was living and my situation. I sought help my doctor put me on Lexapro I don't really know if it worked but I know I hated the side effects so I stopped about a year ago. So I know the drugs and the gambling compounds the depression I seem to be revisiting. You should know I don't have suicidal thoughts never have and I sought help again I have an appt with a clinical counselor Monday. I have been in this fog state isolating myself for 5 days going no where, no work but to get essentials food and Gatorade AND to pay my pot dealer who I owed 100.00 for pot on credit . I did go and play basketball in my mens league and I noticed I felt better afterward when I got home but slide back into the fog! I know this is a lot to take in and I might have rambled but I want to thank you for listening,  Bill

Answer
Hey Bill,

By the sounds of it, things are a little tough at the moment and divorce is never an easy thing to handle, no matter how strong a person is. As you can currently see, the weed smoking is not having a great deal of help on the situation, and in fact, makes things worse right now. This, combined with everything else going on, is going to cause you to have all these other "side effects" and sadly, the more that you continue to do it, the worse things will get.

Speaking to your cinical counsellor on Monday would be a great idea, because it gives you someone to speak to who can give you some direction and understanding as to what is going on right now. He/she can also give you some pointers into which direction you could follow from this point, and as long as you are honest and open with them, they are usually very helpful.

My suggestion to you, having been in a very similar situation some years ago would be to work on the excercise thing. You mentioned that you had played some basketball and that you did feel better after the game, so you can see the positive effect that doing excercise has. Try and increase the excercise you do, and make an effort to keep that "natural high" going once you have finished by doing things differently. Try going home a differnt route or instead of sitting down when you get home, try do some cleaing or tidying, or read something new and challenging - I know it sounds strange, but once we start making changes to the things we normally do, this has an affect on other areas of our life as well.

My other suggestions would be to say away from the weed and the gambling especially - gambling has a similar affect to weed in that in creates a "high" within us when we place the bets and so on, so changing the things you do on a daily basis could also help this. There are also groups that you could got to who meet regularly to work on things like this, so you could take a look at that as well becaue I know that they helped me a great deal when I was trying to deal with everything.

I dont know if that has given you any help and if you need someone to talk to, please do not hesitate to write back to me and I would be more than happy to listen or offer advice where needed. And best of luck with the councilor on Monday.

Gareth