Expert: Veronica C. Yost - 3/23/2009

Question
How should I deal with my mom? My mom has been smoking crack for longer than I've been alive (I'm 15), and has tried to quit repeatedly. She has been in NA for 10 years, and has been in and out of drug rehab centers. Up until January, I was living with my dad, but he's an alcoholic and verbally, mentally, and physically abusive. I have a court hearing in three days to decide whether I get to stay with my grandparents or not. The problem is that my mom decided to move back up here to help take care of me, and insisted that all of the paperwork be filed in her name. She's been gone for a week smoking crack, and has stolen about a hundred dollars from me and even more from my grandparents. If she fucks up and gets caught or anything within the next couple months, not only do i have to go back and live with my father who beats me, she'll spend about a year in prison (where she'd probably die, 'cause she's a total bitch and only about 4'9" tall). We can't change the paperwork to be in my grandparents' names because of the fact that my mom's living here and the court would send me back immediately if it knew of her crack smoking. I've tried every intervention tactic, and used every trick i can pull. I've worked together with numerous NA counselors to try to keep her off of it, but nothing's worked. After the court date, I honestly don't care what she does, so long as she doesn't get caught or steal from me, but I know that eventually she will be caught and I'll be sent to my dad's. From where I see it, and please pardon my language, I am completely and utterly fucked. Is there anything else I could do that might help?

Answer
Hi Nolan,
 I am sorry you ended up with crappy parents.  What you can do depends on your age, I am assuming you are under 18.  Being a minor when you go to court you have the right to speak about what you want and where you want to live.  Try (when you testify) to get the Judge to speak with you privately in chambers.  Instead of getting angry about the f*d up situation, be emotional.  Talk about your mom's drug use and your dad being an all round "super fantastic guy"!  Call the NA person and have them give you some kind of statement about what your mom's been up to and what you have tried to do to help her.
 It is sad to hear a young person hating his parents but I in no way blame you.  I know you want to love them but they took that chance away from you.  I did the same thing to my own son and nearly destroyed our relationship.  
 I wish you nothing but luck in court.  Say a prayer and ask God to help you, he will.