Expert: Caroline West - 3/27/2009

Question
My son  told me of his cocaine addiction in November 2008 and was admitted to rehab. for 2months.  He is in grave financial straits, has lost his job and has had to rent out his home.  I have helped financially and emotionally as have all our family and from his positive attitude to recovery we all believed he was on the road to recovery.  He apparently went out to a business meeting on Tuesday evening and no-one seems to know where he is at this time. He disappeared for four or five days at a time before rehab. His cell phone is switched off and the janitor at the flats has informed me that there is no-one inside and there is a pile of mail on the floor at the front door.  I am now frantic as he said often when we discussed everything that if he ever took cocaine again he would want to die.  Do addicts who relapse once commit suicide often.  I know he is feeling deeply ashamed but I simply want to know whether you believe he will eventually turn up and we can begin again.  A difficult question to answer I know unless you know my son personally.

Answer
Hi Jacqueline,I am sorry in the lateness to my reply as I was away and I am hoping now that your son has returned safe and sound.

Its not uncommon for an addict to go on a mad bender just before they go to rehab,its like the last hit and they are going to make the most of it.

Also its not uncommon for users to go 'missing' for days at a time and switching off mobiles while they are getting high-its almost like living a double life. It Its a common pattern though devastating for the family and loved ones because they don't know what is happening and can fear the worst.

Regarding suicide,sadly it does happen esp with cocaine and crack because once the user takes it,the high euphoria of the initial hit soon wears off and once the drug is finished,the user will experience a crushing low and feeling suicidal can be a direct result of that come down.

Another reason for the suicidal feelings is due to a feeling of their lives being out of control because of the drug which is then doing the controlling. Every time an addict uses they are consumed with guilt,loss and shame and that can lead to the low feelings.

One bit of hope I can give you is that users don't always break free at the first attempt at quitting and it can take several lapses/relapses to totally quit but each time they get clean they get stronger and move one more step towards abstinence. Also the time of the relapse gets shorter and the clean times get longer. Its a long and tough process but doable.

As I said I really hope he has come home by now and he is safe. Addiction is so complex and its so harmful to all involved. There is a natural 'rock bottom' that most addicts get to and that is their deciding point on quitting but that rock bottom is different for every one and what your sons is I don't know. He sounds like a decent young man and having the support from such a strong family as yours will help him immensely so keep supporting him.

Jacqueline sadly there is no easy answer and I hate to have to tell you that,I wish there were more easier ways out there. When he gets back make him go back to the Drug Service and get him a keyworker,if he doesn't already have one and take it from there. I know how frustrating this is for you all but don't lose hope-Myself and many,many others have beaten addiction so hang on to that.

Give him an ear bashing when he gets back,don't let him get off lightly and I wish you,him and your whole family all the best and if I can help in any way then do get in touch. Take care, Caroline