Expert: Veronica C. Yost - 3/24/2009

Question
Hello Veronica,  I have really been doing alot of reading and finding educational material on crack addition after being in a relationship with an addict for about 2 years. Of course at first I didn't know, I probably started to figure something was very strange about 7 months into the relationship.  It was well over the year mark before I started finding empty crack bags, brillo strange twisted wires or safety pins. I don't know what they where for.  I found clear plastic little bags and also little paper packets which looked liked a light brown substance.  Not sure if he is just using crack or if he is messing with heron too.  I found a lot of empty liquor bottles all empty and hidden.  Why he did throw them away is beyond me. Everything makes since now, all the sad stories about work (which I believed we live in Michigan and the economy has gone to hell) So, anyway this got to the point where he started to steal, cash, jewelry, stole check from my check book (stupid enough to write them to his buddy to cash) Then before I found all this out (sametime all within 2 to 5 days) He was arrested coming back to make a drug deal, early Dec. 09. Since then I have thrown him out- OF COURSE- He has been arrested 3 times since then but somehow gets someone to bond him out. He has 3 warrants out for him now. I am praying to God he gets arrested and gets enough time to clear him mind and realize what he is doing to his life.  The only contact I have had with him in the 2 month is a text mess he sent me to listen to a new single by jamey johnson (county song Cost of High Cost of Living) Which might of back fired on him, I think he might of wanted me to feel bad for him, I told him this song tells me you  know what your doing and what are you going to do about it?  It is very strange after all the chaos and turmoil that I still care and worry about him.  I believe this crack is the devil way of collecting souls.  I have seen alot of good and love in this man, for myself , my kids, his son, my parents.  Then there is a side that we just do not know at all it is another person and another life.  In talking with his father we figure he has been using this time maybe 5 years. Man he did everything for us not to find out, and is very upset that I have sat down and talk with his father. He says hes Sorry for treating me bad, and says I'm an a!! I guess my question is Is there really a good man in there somewhere of is it all for drugs, no matter what the lengths?  He hasn't shown up of any of his sentencing and is hiding and/or on the run now.  I know he is afraid of jail. No drugs in jail, or at least harder to get.   I have not stop the charges for my check and other belongings, his father and I agree that it just might take some jail time to wake this guy up.  I won't answer the phone with the number is withheld or unknown, and I have been quite the tough cookie, or as he but it B.  I do ultimately hope he get better, I do believe in forgiveness, but I will never forget either. What are your thoughts of how I am handling this?  Is there every a time during this addiction where REALITY OR COMMON SENSE  come into play.  Help me to understand what is going on in there mind or thoughts.

Answer
Hello,
 All I can do is tell you that an addict (unfortunately) thinks only of themselves.  The drug is always #1 and always will be as long as they use.  I think you have already figured out that he is drinking and using both crack and heroine.  Not sure what the safety pin is for though.  Never heard that one before.  Being an addict can be a big form of embarrassment so hiding it is not a surprise.  Of course addicts don't want to get high around non-users.  It can turn a user into someone you don't recognize, maybe a little bit but that's about it.
 The only real thing going on in their mind is money, drugs, money, drugs etc.  They simply can not help themselves.  They are no longer in control especially of what is right and what is wrong.  It is pathetic I know but it is what it is.  
 I have called this a demon for a long time and reality/common sense fail to exist.  You give up everything for the drug, love, sanity, common sense, morality, faith, family, money, security, jobs, food etc.  Nothing matters, sadly.
 Best of luck to you and staying away from that Tough Cookie.