Expert: Crystal - 3/16/2009

Question
Hello! i'm 21 years old and i've been married for two years with the my "high school sweetheart". We are both indeed very young and still have so much to learn about life. for the past year our lives have been filled with nothing but sadness and misery. My husband who is 22 years old, started to hang out with the wrong crowd, and yes it was his choise to start using heroin no matter who he chose to hang out with. I found out that he was using about two months after he started. Catching my 22 year old bestfriend and husband abusing a drug that changed him and our realtionship was absolutely devastating. i didnt know what to do, and yet catching him was not enough for him to admit what he was doing or his addiction to the drug. He has gotten help a few times, not for a very long period of time. I love him very much, and it kills me to see him throw away his life like that when he has so much to offer and so much ahead of him. he is a very intellegent man and i just dont know what drove him to that drug. i dont hate him, i hate what the drugs does to him. He lies, he steals and to me it seems he has no problem putting the people that love him through hell. im so tired of crying myself to sleep every night. i dont know how to deal with him anymore. i dont know what to do. he gets really aggressive when he doesnt get his way like, when he asks me to "lend him money" (never pays back) and i tell him no because i got bills to pay and he is not making any effort to help me. My car is my only way to school and work, and i hate lending him my car because i know that is his ride to buy drugs. sometimes i can't even stop him from taking my car, sounds crazy but he gets really aggressive, and when a 6'2ft tall man looks down to a 5'0ft tall woman in anger, will my first reaction is fear and have no choise but to give it up. i know he does love me, because before this drug walked into our lives he was an amazing person that i know he still is just doesn't know it or doesnt appreciate himself. WE are both aware of the problem and no matter how many times i encourage him to get help and that i will be with him for every step of his recovery, nothing seems to change. we dont go out much with friends anymore because they are starting to judge him and don't want a "drugie" around them. i can't help be embarased when we go places with family and friends and watch him be all dopee and him deny it, when everyone surrounding him questions me "what the hell is wrong w him?". i've stopped my social life, ive stopped living my life just to be around him and not to give up on him. i go to college and i tell u, when im in school, it is the most peace i have in the day.  what should i do? where do i go for help and advice?

Answer
This must be very difficult for you. I would call addiction centers in your area for help and I would confront him with a group of your family members and/or his that you know you can trust and do an intervention where you can all let him know you just want to help him but don't come at him all at once and make him feel bad or he will shut you out and you may lose him.
I hope this helps.
Keep in touch and good luck.