Expert: Veronica C. Yost - 3/21/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hi my name is Robyn and I am married to a crack head see he was clean for about 9 years I think I know I need to leave him but I do love him and I have no job right now I want him to get help or something he doesn't beat me or anything he is really a good man but he just needs help and I feel like I am fighting a loosing battle he was we've been married 11 years and he tells me he just started back up about a year ago I know I need to leave him but I have no money or no where to go really and like i said I do love him only if he would get help for all of his problems he really never stop doing drugs when he quite smoking crack about 9 years ago he went to drinking and taking them mini Thins but they quite selling them where i live and then he started smoking weed again he was clean from that for 8 years I just need to know why he started again and should I leave him we have a son together and we also got cousdy of his first son so he has everything but now that time are rough he started doing crack again. so if you can help please do. Should I leave him I can't take the older son with me but what kind of person leaves him hes the only reason i stay really. hes 14 and mine and his is 10. and the mother of the oldest one is just as bad. so what do i do?

ANSWER: Hello,
 You are in a hard situation.  Is the home/apt in both names or his/yours only?  Are you capable of working while the kids are in school?  Does the 14 year old have other stable relatives?  He isn't going to get help because he doesn't want help.  You can't force someone to stop using unless they are ready.
 Give me as much information as you can about finances, property etc.  I will try to come up with a plan for you.


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: The home was his grandmothers and we have no money really he gets paid every week we don't have a bank account and no credit cards either. I thought about taking him step son  over to my husbands mom but she will just give him back to the mother. I know it isn't my place because I am just the step mom but I have known him ever since he was 4 but we got him when he was 7. I just don't know what to do. Oh we haven't got our house in our names because we have no money to get a lawyer to help us with all that his mom and dad won't really help we ask them to when he was some what clean. off the crack anyway. I thought about calling the cops on him when he comes home with it only because we have kids in the house but is that a good idea to do he would prob. spend time in jail and he would loose his son after all. right and right now I don't know where to really look for a job I have tried but no one really called for me to work for them. I need to get my GED but I have tried that and now I can't go back to the collages I was trying because I missed to much because he wants me home at night when hes home. I don't have the money to do it online. right now and we can't get any help from the state unless i leave him he makes to much money. well I hope this helps.

         Thanks,
         Robyn

Answer
You are in quite a situation there.  If you did call the police when he gets home that would get him in jail and charged.  There has got to be some shelter's nearby and they would help you with your GED (most employer's don't check that anyway) then they will help you find work and a new place to live.  Try calling one of them for advice on which directions would be best for you.  If he is arrested Child Protective Services would get involved too.  
Just give a woman's shelter a call along with CPS.  If you can go visit that would be good too.  You and those kids must be #1 always.  He treats himself as #1 why shouldn't you?!